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Without parents assistance children can easily be affected by bad habits, lifestyle and cultures


nguyenthiet1993 8 / 3 5  
Aug 16, 2015   #1
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents are the best teachers. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. can you please score my essay?

Parents play a very important role in teaching children in this modern world. It is without parents' assistance that children can easily be affected by bad habits, lifestyle and cultures. I strongly agree that parents are the best teachers because they give their children countless valuable lessons such as; how to speak, go and eat, humanity lesson, how to show compassion and forgiveness etc. And I would like to demonstrate my statement in this essay.

To begin with the first valuable lesson, it is true to say that parents are the first teachers who teach us how to speak, go and eat. I remembered that when my younger brother was a baby, my parents were very enthusiatic and patient to teach him how to speak, go and eat. Sometimes they felt tired and disappointed about him, but they tried best for their child's sake. I found that It was difficult to teach a baby how to speak, go and eat and no one could do that except parents. Therefore, parents work as the first teachers teaching children the first lesson.

The second lesson I took from my parents is humanity lesson. Whenever they saw the injured from accidents or somebody who needed helps, they always gave them a hand. When I was in 8 grade, my mother once took me to school for the final tests. We saw an accident with some injured people, quickly she stopped and helped them. Although I was late 30 minutes and got a bad studying result in that final tests, However I thanked to my mother for that priceless lesson.

Another valuable lesson is compassion and forgiveness. In the past, I from time to time made mistakes, even though I showed some bad behaviors toward my mother. However, my mother not only forgave me, but she also came near and helped me to analyse my bad behaviors. As a result, I learned much from her assistance and now I grasp how important the compassion and forgiveness lesson is. So I am ready to give compassion and forgiveness to others.

As the aforemetioned examples have illustrated, parents are the best teachers who give children a vast array of valuable lessons such as how to speak, go and eat, humanity lesson and the compassion and forgiveness lesson. It is obvious that Investing in teaching children is investing in the development of a country, so the government should encourage parents to spend more time in teaching their children to ensure the best condition for children's development.

lcturn87 - / 435 236  
Aug 16, 2015   #2
Hello, I would like to give you some suggestions to help you improve your essay. I think you can make this sentence better, "Without parent's assistance, children can easily be affected by bad habits, lifestyle and cultures." I think you should change part of this sentence to, "...eat, lessons in humanity, how to show compassion and to forgive, etc." You can delete the next sentence.

The second paragraph, you could state "how to speak and eat." Also, "I remember when my younger brother was a baby...". Change parts of the next sentence:" disappointed with him, but they did their best for their child's sake." The last sentence could read: Therefore, parents teach their children their first life lesson.

3rd paragraph: Change the word order:" The second lesson I learned from my parents was a lesson in humility." Next sentence, "someone injured from an accident or somebody who needed help..." Change 8 to eighth. Last sentence: "...and received bad test results, I thanked my mother for that priceless lesson."

4th paragraph: Delete from time to time.

5th paragraph: Place a period after teachers. Start a new sentence:" They give children an array..." I'm confused when you discuss the government. The details in the essay do not support this sentence because they are more personal stories. If you discuss how teaching children is investing in their future, this is more evident because your experience taught you how to display compassion and forgiveness.
szhang25 15 / 21 8  
Aug 16, 2015   #3
In your first paragraph you end with "And I would like to demonstrate my statement in this essay." This is generally taboo in persuasive essays as it is unnecessary and irrelevant.

"To begin with the first valuable lesson , it is true to say that parents are the first teachers who teach us how to speak, go and eat."

"The second lesson I took from my parents is humanity lessonone in humanity ."
ednashirley - / 4  
Aug 19, 2015   #4
Most of the cases it is true. But there are some exceptional cases. Some children will follow better lifestyle and habits without any assistance. Parents are the role model of every child. If the base is perfect then everything will automatically become perfect.
Junisha111p 11 / 21 4  
Aug 19, 2015   #5
And I would like to demonstrate my statement in this essay.

try not to start sentence with "And"

Cheers
EF_Carol - / 145 39  
Aug 31, 2015   #6
This essay is well done. You have an intro conclusion and three body paragraphs.

final tests, However...

The correct form would be... to leave out the word however. It is unnecessary there. You make the point fine without it.

made mistakes...showed some bad behavior...

The mistakes are the bad behavior. This is redundant. Just say you made some mistakes.

Your intro and conclusion are fine. So is the spelling and punctuation.You just need attention to word choice and grammatical structure. Try thus and it will strengthen your essay!

You make a good first try!

ef _carol


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