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Parents are the best teachers ? It's a controversial issue


Vanthai 2 / 5  
Feb 28, 2014   #1
someone could help me making it better?

Whether or not parents are the best teachers is a headachy issue and depends on one's point of view. In my opinion, parents are obviously the best teachers.

The first reason that makes me strongly believe my pointview is that parents give their children the first lessons. In most cases, parents, especially mothers, taught their children a lot through dulcet lullabies. Parents had been standing beside their sons and daughtors day by day. They helped us learn how to stand, how to walk. Furthermore, they helped their children how to speak the first voices. ". When their children become to have consciousness, they gave them much more imformation through good fables and parables. In daily life, parents also taught their children basic skills washing body, cooking, cleaning home, dealing with people, to name but a few. Time rapidly passes away and their children are given substantial supports to access to the "real worldThe next reason. It is apparent that parents are the first teachers of their children.

Secondly, the parents' dedication to their children is another reason that convinces my point of view. As the natural rule, parents usually spend a lot of their lifetime to take care of their children and give them helpful advice until their children are mature. Obviously, they are the patient teachers. Parents always accept their children faults. However, they try to find out a way to help their children go ahead. For instance, when starting to learn how to walk, of course all of us felt a lot. And our parents always raise us once we felt. They had been doing so untill their children could take steps in a steady way. Parents are those who are glad to you if you are glad, and feel sad if you're sad.

Finally, who do you think that have the most influence with your future life? The answer must be parents in most cases. From little, parents are those who infuse into their children several dreams. Some want to become doctors, others would like to become a lawer, and so forth. Almost of those dreams that children were chasing are infused by their parents. My father is the seasoned electrical engineer. I saw him fix a lot of electrical machines on the spot. This made me interested in electrical field, and this also is the reason why my major is electrical engineering now.

In conclusion, although parents are the best teachers is the controversial issue. But for all the mentioned above, I strongly believe that parents are obviously the best teachers.

mariasultana 7 / 13  
Feb 28, 2014   #2
Introduction is not good.
Parents had been standing beside their sons and daughters day by day. What do you mean by it?
They helped us learn how to stand, how to walk. Furthermore, they helped their children how to speak the first voices.
I rewrote this as; They help their children to learn the basics of childhood such as how to walk and how to speak.

There is lots of such errors and coherence problem.
SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Feb 28, 2014   #3
hi, this is little from me

They helped us learn how to stand, and how to walk.

". When their children become to have consciousness, they gave them much more imformation through good fables and parables.

be careful of about punctuation using

im formation

spelling correction

parents also taught their children basic skills such as washing body, cooking, cleaning home....

to name but a few

I think this phrase is not engaging with the main sentence

"real worldThe next reason.

punctuation and spacing

to take care of their children

For instance, when starting to learn how to walk, of course all of us felt a lot

this sentence need verb(s)

although parents are the best teachers is the controversial issue.

this fragment sentence means need main sentence

hopefully this helpful
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Feb 28, 2014   #4
Your body paragraphs look pretty too long. I guess you are practicing for TOEFL or IELTS. If so, avoid such lengthy paragraphs because these tasks have a major bearing on time.
OP Vanthai 2 / 5  
Feb 28, 2014   #5
mariasultana
thank you Maria Sultana, I really appreciate your great help.
OP Vanthai 2 / 5  
Feb 28, 2014   #6
Pahan
thank you a lot. As you guess, I am preparing for TOEFL. My writing is weak right now. I really appreciate your help!
OP Vanthai 2 / 5  
Feb 28, 2014   #7
Shanaif
I really appreciate your great and dedicated helps. Could you interpret some your comments?
the first is: "parents also taught their children basic skills such as washing body, cooking, cleaning home...." (could you tell more clearly the reason why I made mistake in using the phrase "such as".)

the second is: to take care of their children (I think this grammar structure is good: take care of sb/sth.)
the third is: "For instance, when starting to learn how to walk, of course all of us felt a lot"
"this sentence need verb(s)" (what do you mean? The verb used is felt.)
the final is: "although parents are the best teachers is the controversial issue."
"this fragment sentence means need main sentence." (could you make this sentence clearly? or could you make your own sentence but remain the same idea of my sentence?)
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Mar 23, 2014   #8
although parents are the best teachers is the controversial issue. But for all the mentioned above, I strongly believe that parents are obviously the best teachers.one

Some want to become doctors (no comma) while others would like to become a lawer

how to stand, how toand walk
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Mar 23, 2014   #9
Include the purpose of your writing, e.g. IELTS, TOEFL,GRE etc. in the title itself. Then we can provide you with more task related feedbacks. You need to improve on the essay structure. Pahan has provided you with the one which we all recommend. Read the sample essays to get a good knack about that structure. Also, try construct more simple, yet interesting sentences. Your sentences lack clarity most of the time.


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