Good morning, Please help me to assess my essay. Thank you.
Topic in details :
Do you agree of disagree with the following statement ? Parents are the best teachers.
Parents are the children very first teachers at the beginning of life. Parents teach children how to crawl, speak, walk, run and etc. It is undeniable that parents are the best teachers in term of commitment and emotional support which I agree with.
Parents are the most committed teacher to their children. They willing to sacrifice part of their life for betterment of children. For example, some busy working mothers would forgo their careers and stay home as full time mummy in hope to teach and nurture their children to the best. Furthermore, parents provide emotional support of all time to their children. Children look upon parents as role model. In facing living obstacles like examination pressure or friendship problems, children would seek advice and mental support from parents.Likewise, parents will provide unconditional encouragement and support in dealing the challenges.
On the other hand, parents are not considered the best teacher, particularly in term of knowledge and training, unless they are professional teachers themselves. School teachers are well trained and academic qualified. Children will be taught all the latest information, the data analytic technique and etc, by learning in an organised formal education system. Therefore, teachers are in a better position to teach children to become knowledgeable and wise.
By and large, teachers and parents both play an important and synergistic role in upbringing children. Teachers are the best source of knowledge whereas parents are the best guardian of all time to their beloved children.
Good afternoon :)
A few suggestions. First, when you are dealing with possession, such as you have in the first sentence, make sure you are properly using the apostrophe. For example, "Parents are the children very first..." should be "Parents are the children's very first..." because the children belong to the parents.
Avoid using abbreviations in formal academic writing. For example, "etc." should not be used here; write your complete list out with all of your examples included.
Make sure all of your subjects and verbs agree in your sentences. For example, "..teachers in term..." should be "...teachers in terms..." because parents and teachers are plural; term should be plural as well.
Make sure you are using linking verbs to properly connect the words in your sentences and make them structurally sound. For instance, "They willing to sacrifice..." should be "They are willing to sacrifice..."
Read through your piece and make sure that all of the words are what you mean. For instance, do you really mean "mummy?"
Make sure you are properly using commas. For instance, in the last sentence there should be a comma after "knowledge."
In regards to content, you give some good examples to support your opinion. Your essay is organized and easy to read.
I hope this helps!
Regards,
Gloria
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