Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 6

Parents, Children, How to be good members of society, School


ernisernis88 1 / 1  
Jun 14, 2020   #1
Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.



Some people have different views with regard to the question of how to train children to be a nice component of the community. In my views, parents and school must collaborate together to nurture better children's attitude.

On the other hand, the school can certainly assist to encourage children to be nice in society. Social experiences that school offers will provide how to get on with each other for children. There are types of social experience such as meeting with their peers, playing together and building teamwork. Through the progression of education, invaluable life experiences and social development skills are being taken away from our children. As a result, we would hope that school is the ultimate opportunities to gain experiences and the understanding of life.

On the other hand. I believe that family is the first school not only in term of socialization and citizenship but also in term of general education. Firstly, a positive family environment will give children examples. They can follow in order to better relate to others when they leave this environment. Secondly, in a family, a child learns to trust. Thirdly, a child then learns to compromise and to see that others have needs as well and trained that a co-operative society is a happier and more productive one for all. Finally, parents must be in charge to establish the best attitude for their children to be the right community member.

In conclusion, while school can certainly aid to construct social experience. I believe that Parents are a paramount importance key to supervise their children.

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,363 2885  
Jun 15, 2020   #2
Before you start to write the essay, you should first, analyze the topic, reasons, and instructions. Then make sure that your restatement and discussion paragraphs are aligned with the requirements. In this case, look at the points of view provided and outline the same to help you draft a response:

Topic 1: Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society.
Topic 2: Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.
Instruction: Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


Now, the keywords for this essay discussion are as follows: Some people, others, own opinion. This means, the essay is to be presented using pronouns. The pronouns required are: Second person (some people, others) and first person (own point of view). I am sure you know which types of pronouns I am referring to so I will not delve too much into that discussion.

When you write your draft, the format should be:

Paraphrase: There have been discussions regarding the training of the youth when it comes to becoming responsible representatives of their community. Certain sectors believe that mothers and fathers should be tasked to do this. However, some groups believe that the learning academies are the best place for youngsters to be educated about good manners and right conduct. It is important for me think about the reasons behind each reasoning so I can present my informed decision about the topic.

Reason 1: There are people who believe that...

Reason 2: In contrast, people to say that...

Opinion: While both sides have their merits, I tend to support the idea that...

Conclusion: To bring the discussion full circle, those that believe that... say so because... While those who support the idea that... also have good points. My view remains the same however. I believe in the strength of...


Following the above format, your essay should be able to properly represent the 3 sides of the discussion in a comprehensive manner, fully utilizing the 4 scoring sections to produce your highest possible score. The version above represents the outline of the discussion. Your current version is focused solely on presenting your personal point of view regarding the given topic. That is not the proper format for this essay.
thienthanh 1 / 2  
Jun 15, 2020   #3
Hi, firstly i want to say that " on the other hand " is a contrast expression showing that you might want to express some arguments that oppose the previous one. Therefore, using " on the other hand " in your first body paragraph is quite confusing. Moreover, i would suggest you to make your conclusion longer by paraphrasing again your opinion and giving a short summary of reasons that you already discussed.

Anyway, hope that your works will improve soon.
VENESSA 2 / 2  
Jun 15, 2020   #4
Hi, I would say that the conclusion in your essay, the last sentence ' while ~~~,~~~ '. You should use the comma rather than period.
Sally 205 1 / 2  
Jun 15, 2020   #5
On the other hand. ] , I believe that family is the first school .....
I think that you should check your work carefully as this tiny mistake can make you regret.
OP ernisernis88 1 / 1  
Jun 15, 2020   #6
Thank a lot @holt, @Thien (I mean " for first body paragraph is on the one hand) thanks. @Vanessa, @ and Sally thank you so much all. I will improve my writing foreseeable future.


Home / Writing Feedback / Parents, Children, How to be good members of society, School