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Parents, who choose private education for their kids, allowed to not pay state education taxes?

ngokhoa99 11 / 58 14  
Feb 17, 2019   #1
Hi guys, this is my IELTS Writing Task 2 essay. It would be great if you could read it and give me some feedback! If possible, can you please give feedback according to IELTS' marking structure:

1. Task Achievement: Ideas, Addressing the Task, Conclusion, Developing Ideas.
2. Coherence and Cohesion: Paragraphing, Linking and Referencing.
3. Grammatical Range and Accuracy: Sentence Structures, Tenses, Punctuation, Number of Errors
4. Lexical Resource: Vocabulary, Collocations, Spelling, Number of Errors.

If these criteria are too long that's okay haha, just getting your feedback is good for me already!

Families who send their children to private schools should not be required to pay taxes that support the state education system. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

taxes should be paid

Education has always been a hot topic for debate as students, parents, educators, and politicians argue for what they think is best. Some believe that families with children attending private schools should be relieved of their education-related taxes duty. Considering the ramifications of this proposed policy and the very purpose of taxes, I strongly disagree with this opinion.

First and foremost, taxes are created to support a society's well-being, of which public education is a grand pillar. It is essential to equip the young generation - the majority of which goes to public schools - with multifaceted, relevant, and practical knowledge if a country is to raise its living standard and economic strength. As a person or household choose to live in a community, they also choose to receive benefits from it and give back. Just as taxpayers contribute to the salaries of public sector workers, they also invest in young people who will become the labor force of a nation. Refusing to pay taxes for state education while still paying other taxes would be like expecting a police officer, whose service most people need, to appear out of nowhere and then start giving him salary. Evading just education taxes simply does not make sense.

If the option to also not pay other kinds of taxes also becomes available, then the problem will only further complicate. As families who choose private schools get allowed to skip on financially contributing to public education, other people will demand their rights to choose taxes they want to pay. Car drivers will refuse to pay for public transport, healthy people will refuse to pay for public healthcare, et cetera. This will result in difficult tax regulation, more red tapes, and social inequality in general. The current tax system of many countries are tailored to the needs of their citizens and policies of the governments, whose aim is to prevent this exact scenario from happening. While certain types of taxes - import-related tax and property tax for example - apply to specific individuals and organizations, general expenses for the society's development, which includes state education tax, should not be skipped.

To conclude, even though the choice of education still belongs to families, public education taxes should still be paid. Offering a choice to not contribute to public schools would bring about more drawbacks then benefits, and also ensuing numerous issues.

TJLuschen - / 241 203  
Feb 17, 2019   #2
Hi, I was very interested in hearing what you have to say since our three boys go to a private school, yet of course we still (happily) pay property taxes for the local public schools. I thought your writing was very good for the most part. Your quality in terms of grammar seemed to decrease a bit towards the end of your essay, but your vocabulary was strong throughout. I think you addressed the task correctly, but see below that the development of your ideas and support could have been a bit better:

... relieved of their [duty to pay] education-related taxes.

... generation - the majority ... schools - with {I would use commas instead of dashes in a formal essay. Also, I would say "the majority of whom go" ... but that may be because I am more familiar with American English}

... officer, whose [services most people rarely if ever] need, to appear out of nowhere [when the need arises] and [only] then start giving him [a ] salary. {it seems like this is more what you meant} Evading just education taxes ... {maybe "Treating education taxes in a similar "pay as services are needed" way simply does not make sense." } {this last example seemed a little off track. I think it would have been better to stick closer to your main idea of the paragraph that education benefits everyone in society, not just those who are receiving the education, therefore it is reasonable for everyone to pay to support it.}

If the option to also [forgo paying] other kinds of taxes also becomes available [becomes widespread], then the problem will only [become further complicated]. {I think this could have been more clear - your idea is if this concept of paying only for what you use spreads, it could have many negative ramifications in other parts of society} ... private schools [are] allowed {or "get permission"} to skip

... to choose [the] taxes they want to pay.

... tax regulation, more [red tape], {"red tape" is non-countable singular} and social inequality {I don't see the social inequality factor here} in general. The current tax [systems] of many countries

... general expenses ..., should not be skipped. {you say here that a tax is an expense - this is unclear to me - taxes are used to pay for government expenses}

... and also ensuing [create/generate/engender] numerous issues.
OP ngokhoa99 11 / 58 14  
Feb 18, 2019   #3
Thank you!

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