Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child's development while others think that it is important for children to go to school. Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your own opinion.
At present, many parents choose to teach their children at home since they think it will provide best for children's growing time. Meanwhile, others argue, it is a necessary for children to go to formal education place. I believe that all of teaching methods are useful for pupils, all of them have merits and drawbacks, and it depends on parents' ability to tackle the problems that may happen. This essay will first discuss how children safety make them better to study at home, and then talk how importance school environment for their social life.
Violence becomes the biggest problem then why they choose to make their children stay at home, even for school needs. A recent study about children's development revealed almost eight in ten violence in children was happened in their environment, such as house surrounding and schools. It proves that the safest place for children is their home. For preventing something bad happens, parents argue children should stay at home where all family members can watch them.
However, children need their environment for growing up perfectly. Schools provide good circumstances for them. Rose Mini, a children psychologist, stated that all the children need for improving both social and academics is go to school since in the school, children can get friends for their social life and teacher for their academic. All of them make children be better in communication. I strongly believe that for building their personal characteristic, school is needed. But what parents have to aware is ensuring that their children are placed in a good school. Even it will be better, if they can accompany their children with age under 6, and for the rest just teach the how to protect their selves.
All in all, teaching children at home become the best choose for children's safety. However, children also need school circumstances for developing their social life. What parents should do is preparing their children to avoid the bad effects.
Nuraini, with regards to your prompt, I can say that it is quite unfortunate that you mention unnecessary details that might hamper the final grading of your essay. When you mention "...all of them have merits and drawbacks...", it is not entirely wrong, but the prompt stated that "discuss (only) the advantages of both...". It was implicitly told you to "only" discuss about the advantages. It might look simple, but I am sure it might bring detrimental effect towards your band score. Thus, it is suggested to NOT doing the same mistake on the next practice.
Then, it is strongly suggested to avoid using "but" in the beginning of the sentence. "But" is one of the coordinate connectors and NOT a cohesive device. It would make the essay looks less formal. Perhaps you can just alter "But" to "However/Nevertheless". In addition, when it comes to grammatical range and accuracy, I can still notice some errors that are actually can be avoided. For instance, when you write "others argue, it is a necessary for children...", I think that you shouldn't separate them by comma. You can just simply mention "others argue that it is necessary for...". Also, you are suggested to try to proofread your essay before submitting it. This sentence "Even it will be better, if they can accompany their children..." also contains errors. Comma is crucial, it might shift the meaning. You can take a look at this sentence and see the difference "Even, it will be better if they can accompany their children..." .
Hope this helps :)
I have read your essay fully and i come up with several suggestions that i hope you should take into consideration.
if you want to get band 7 or more your essays don't forget this:
you must using more complex sentence structure, more complex vocabulary, more complex grammatical use and variation , and the last don't forget you must write at least 250 words
At present, many parents choose to teach their children at ...this sentence contain more than one verb choose, teach, provide. I give you an example >> nowadays, many parents more like teaching their children at home........
Meanwhile, others argue, that
it is a necessary for children
going to formal education
I believe that all of teaching methods are ...
vague again you can use an appropriate conjucntion for example I believe that all of teaching methods are useful for pupils and
all of them have merits and drawbacks;however
it depend on parents' problem solving skill.
I think that you should check in the next paragraph to enhance your skill.