Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.
To teach children become a good members of society, they need to be teached by their parents. Meanwhile, some people argue that school is the best place for children to learn about good behavioural. However, in my opinion, parents are more important to teach children to be a good members of society than school.
Firstly, I believe that school is the best place for children to study, but they can only learn more theoritical learning than its application. Teachers will only provide some books to be read by children and teach them how to be a good person. For example, by reading a book, children can study some customs, such as helping and tolerating each other. In result, they get new knowledge about custom, but they still do not know when they have to help or tolerate others. So, school is only a place where children can study about good attitude.
On the other hand, in my view, parents have big responsbility to teach about a good or a bad thing for children, because they have more time to interact with their own children than school do. For instance, children are able to learn directly about respect with older people by saying a greeting, because they have seen their parents do the same way. In fact, they can learn many good behavioural through daily activity. So, parents can give positive impact by teaching a good example that can be immitate by children.
In conclusion, parents have greater effect on children's attitude than school do. Although school can provide some books that can influence childreen indirectly, parents can provide more examples that can be done directly. (270 words)
Hi! I can see that your essay is okay, however I want to suggest that manners of children must begin at home, not only in school wherein the parents must be the role model for their children. Maybe you can tackle this first.
Hello Septia
You have a good summary
I have some corrections for you
1. To teach children become a good members ... -->
The parents have responsibility to teach their children to be a good members of society
2. However, in my opinion, parents are more important ...-->
However, in my opinion, the parents have more important role to give education such as communication with other people that they cannot get in the school.
3. ... but they still do not know when they could apply this way.
4. SoThus , school is only a place ...
5. too many 'good', maybe it can be changed into new words
... many good behavioural throughfor daily activity. SoTherefore , parents can give positive impact for the chidren by teaching a good ...
... that can influence childreenchildren indirectly, parents can provide ...
Hi, septidara29, I want to write some comments based on your writing
1.There are some errors in spelling, such as:
teached ----> taught
behavioural ----> behavioral
theoritical ----> theoretical
responsbility ----> responsibility
immitate ----> imitate
childreen ----> children
I suggest you to manage your time so can check your answer again to make it sure there is not wrong in spelling
2. they can learn manymuch good behaviouralbehavior through daily activity ...
#it is better to replace behavioral (adjective) by behavior (noun)
# Because behavior is uncountable, hence many should be replaced by 'much'
3. ... a good example that can be immitateimitated by children ...
Because it uses passive sentence, so imitate should be replaced by imitated
Thanks
INTRODUCTION
overall this is enough. you paraphrase the question then giving your personal opinion which indicated that you addressed the task responses. However, there are many spaces for improvements there.
To teach childrenbecome a good members of society needs the role of their parents [OR ==> Children need to be taught by parents so that they can become a good members of society]. Meanwhile, some people argue that school is the best place for children to learn about good behavior. However, in my opinion, parents are more important to teach children to be agood members of society than school.{REPETITIVE}
BODY PARAGRAPH
Body 1= you mentioned about lack of practice in school since children only focus on theoretical learning here. You should emphasize more about behavioral lesson they get from school while giving a proper conclusion of your paragraph. the conclusion you gave is contradicted or poor developed from your idea explanation
Body 2= Emphasize more why lesson children get from parents is more effective that what they get from school!
CONCLUSION
Overall, it is simple and effective. You mentioned your main idea well made it as a good conclusion. Better to restate your opinion again here .
