Working twenty years at an inconsequential job may not give as much satisfaction as a highly prolific and demanding job can offer in ten years.
Hello! I'm not very good at this,
Mona, I think you gave great feedback here; thanks!!!
I don't understand some of the sentences in the essay; for example, I feel that this sentence below should be revised this way:
Time is money; I feel that parents should not
discourage their children from keeping a part time job or weekend job because any type of work requires a lot of hard work and efforts.
...but i am not sure if I interpreted it correctly.
Oh, wait! I see that you are saying it is better for students to NOT have a job. Okay, forget about my above comment; I'm sorry for the confusion.
Below, I'll add a semi-colon, add the word "the," and change the pelling of sole (soul is like spirit, or soulful music, but sole means "single"
Completion of a diploma or degree should not be the
sole goal for students; acquiring good grades is most important and is also helpful for getting into higher studies or most demanding job.
Subsequently, it takes
away lot of energy and time...
As there is famous saying: "Sailing in two boats will take you no where." This means we should do what is required at that particular stage.