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TOEFL Writing--whether parents should exchange their ideas about education methods with teachers


Dousiyu 2 / 3  
Oct 20, 2015   #1
Hi guys. I am preparing for TOEFL exam and my writing skill is my weakness. Please tell me what can I improve in the following essay. Thank you for your time.

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Parents, nowadays, attach more importance on the education of their children, and among assorted factors affect the education, the teaching method stands out. The teaching methods, in myriad of people's eyes , whether correct or incorrect, should be utilized and employed by various teachers ruling out the thoughts of parents. Contrary to these people's opinion is my perspective that it is better to put forward the disagreements due to a better study performance, the long-term development of children, and right standard of education.

To begin with, incorrect teaching method, without a doubt, is likely to exert negative influence on the academic performance of children. As is known to all, good study habits such as preparing lesson in advance, taking notes in class, revising the class in time, will benefit children's academic performance. Hardly can children perform well in studying if they are educated and engaged in incorrect method. A good case to this point is what happened to me. My math teacher in primary school, with a belief that it is quantity that can contribute to success rather than quality, always assign numerous homework for us to practice and never leave time for us to revise the errors. Under such circumstance, however, most of students' behaviors in math in my class go from bad to worse because of this wrong method. Therefore, parents should point out if the method is wrong for the better outcome of their children's study.

Furthermore, the long-run benefit of right teaching methods serves as another contributor to put forward the ideas. Lots of provinces in west of China that like Shanxi and Jiangxi, where English teacher in these areas high school seldom train students listening and speaking because the final exam only test reading and writing rather than speaking and listening. On the other hands, eastern Provinces such as Guangzhou and Jiangsu, teacher devote a lot in teaching speaking and listening even these two part only take a minor part in exam due to they consider this method will benefit the students in the long run. In the short-term, the students in the west provinces also can get quite outstanding scores in exams, but they don't get benefit the in the long run. This point can by aptly illustrated by survey conducted by Xinhua News Agency, according to the survey,71% of students come from provinces where teacher use right method to teach English get a better comprehensive ability of using English when they enter the society. In a word, it is conceivable that thanks to appropriate, suitable method, students can have a long-term benefit.

Last but not least, being exposed and engaging in to incorrect method will do harm to the all-rounded development of students. Imagine a teacher praise a student who get a high scores in the exam by sacrifice his or her sleep time, then lots of students will mimic he or she to use the time which should take rest to study. There is no doubt that this action will do serious harm for the physical health of children. Moreover, the competition in the study will become fiercer and fiercer, and children will be confronted with more stress, which will cause bad effects on their mental health. Hence, it is high time that parents gave suggestions to teacher if the method teacher use is wrong for the overall development of their children.

To sum up, considering the outcome of study, the long run benefit, and the all around development of their children, it is reasonable that parents should exchange their ideas with teacher if the method the teachers use is not right.

angelwu 2 / 2 1  
Oct 21, 2015   #2
Overall, you did a great job in supporting your thesis; however, there are some awkward sentences. I bolded the part that I think you should change.

Parents, nowadays, attach more importance on the education of their children, and among assorted factors affect the education, the teaching method stands out.(awkward) The teaching methods, in myriad of people's eyes , whether correct or incorrect, should be utilized and employed by various teachers ruling out the(despite the) thoughts of parents. Contrary to these people's opinion is my perspective that it is (Contrary to other people's opinions, I think it is better to put forward the disagreements...) better to put forward the disagreements due to a better study performance, the long-term development of children, and right standard of education.

To begin with, incorrect teaching method, without a doubt, is likely to exert negative influence on the academic performance of children. As it is known to all, good study habits such as preparing lessons in advance, taking notes in class, revising the class in time, will benefit children's academic performance. Hardly can children perform well in studying if they are educated and engaged in incorrect method.(It is hard for children to perform well academically if they are educated and engaged in the incorrect method.) A good case to this point is what happened to me.(I, personally, is a good example.) My math teacher in primary school, with a belief that it is quantity that can contribute to success rather than quality, always assign numerous homework for us to practice and never leave time for us to revise the errors. Under such circumstance, however,most of students' behaviors in math in my class go from bad to worse because of this wrong method.(most students in my class have failed the class due to the wrong teaching method.)Therefore(In response to this), parents should point out if the method is wrong for the better outcome of their children's study.

Furthermore, the long-run benefit of right teaching methods serves as another contributor to put forward the ideas. Lots of provinces in west of China that like (such as) Shanxi and Jiangxi, where English teachers in these areas high school (are) seldom (to) train students (in) listening and speaking because the final exams (will) only (be) test(ed) (on) reading and writing rather than speaking and listening. On the other hands, teachers in the eastern Provinces such as Guangzhou and Jiangsu, teacher devote a lot (more) in teaching speaking and listening even these (though, these) two part only take (up) a minor part in (the) exams due to they consider this method will benefit the students in the long run. (The eastern teachers believed that this method will benefit the students in the long run, while) In the short-term, the students in the west provinces also can get quite outstanding scores in exams, but they don't get benefit the in the long run.(Can only benefit in the short run by getting outstanding scores in the exams.)This point can by aptly illustrated by the survey conducted by Xinhua News Agency. According to the survey,71% of (the) students (who) come from (study English in the eastern )provinces where teacher use right method to teach English get a better comprehensive ability (in English than those students from the western provinces.)of using English when they enter the society. In another words,This is conceivable, that thanks to (the) appropriate (and )suitable methods (conducted by the teachers), students can have a long-term benefit.

Last but not least, being exposed and engaging (engaged) in to("into" one word) incorrect method will do harm to the all-rounded development of students. Imagine a teacher praise(praising) a student who get a high scores in the exam by sacrificing his or her sleep time, then lots of students will mimic he or she to use the time which should take rest to study. (I don't understand what you are trying to say here... use another way to phrase this sentence) There is no doubt that this action will do serious harm for (to) the physical health of children. Moreover, the competition in the study(education field) will become more fiercer and fiercer, and children will be confronted with more stress, whichwill cause bad effects on their mental health.(eventually led to bad health) Hence, it is high time that parents gave suggestions to teacher if the method teacher use is wrong for the overall development of their children.(the parents should always give advises to the teachers for the good of the development of their children.)

To it sum up, considering the outcome of study, the long run benefit, and the all around development of their children, it is reasonable that parents should exchange their ideas with teacher if the method the teachers use is not right. (the method used by the teachers is not right)
broibra 17 / 19 3  
Nov 17, 2015   #3
Hi, let me try to give you some suggestion for this writing.

revising the class inon time

his point can bybe aptly illustrated by a survey conducted by Xinhua News Agency,

a better comprehensivecomprehension ability of using English when they enter the society.


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