Hi I'm jul, from Vietnam and I'm new to this forum. I have an argumentative essay and a little bit confused doing this. I hope I could get some comments about my writing soon.
Thanks in advance
controversy around the statement:
"Parents should be free to decide whether or not to vaccine their babies"
Throughout history, Vaccine has been proven to be the most effective way to protect humans from infectious diseases. However, Vaccines still have some side effects that make parents worry. There's a statement says that "parents should be free to decide whether or not vaccine their babies". I personally think that parents should vaccinate their babies.
First of all, Vaccination can improve immunity against particular preventable diseases and keep people healthy. Vaccines have saved many people's lives from fatal diseases such as measles, whooping cough, leukemia, rabies and so on. According to WHO, every year Immunization prevents 2-3 million of deaths around the world which are included up to 26 vaccine-preventable diseases. Furthermore, Vaccination also saves your life after being exposed to the disease like rabies.
Secondly, Vaccination plays a major role in protecting the community. The WHO always aim to a herd community which describes how a population is protected from a disease after vaccination. When large populations are vaccinated, the germ(virus) can hardly be transmitted to each other. As a result, the unvaccinated ones can be protected. Take the 1989 measles outbreak occurred in the US as an example, this epidemic is considered to be the worst measles outbreak in the history of the US. It was estimated that 3,201 deaths in Texas and 1,434 were pre-schooled in Houston. The outbreak led to the intensified surveillance, door-to-door vaccination in high-risk communities, emergency department vaccination clinics, and lowering of the recommended age for vaccination to 6 months during outbreaks, with revaccination at 15 months. By the end of the year, there were 41 deaths nationwide. If the populations of unvaccinated increases because their parents don't allow their children to be vaccinated, the vaccine-preventable diseases can come back and become an epidemic in no time. These can kill infants who are too young to vaccinate, older adults and people taking medication with weakened immunity.
However, some parents chose not to vaccinate their children due to vaccine side effects and the autism accusation. It is true that Vaccine has slight side effects such as fever, allergy, sore arm and fainting which are normal reactions of our bodies to attack the virus. Therefore, it can build up immunity against the diseases. Today many vaccines have been lessened the side effects of immunizations. The great benefits of vaccines definitely outweigh the side effects of it. If parents can accept the fatal risk of being unvaccinated, they have no reasons to fear those mild effects. For the accusation that the autism caused by vaccination, scientists have not discovered the reasons for autism yet. Some people claimed that it is because of the chemicals of vaccine to the children. However, there is no scientific link between vaccine and autism. Parents who didn't allow their children vaccinated shows that they are just uneducated, misinformed to the preconceived reasons.
In conclusion, there is still controversy around the statement that parents should be free to decide to vaccine their babies. People can hardly live healthy without vaccination. People health are related to others. To protect oneself as well as the community, parents should vaccinate their babies.
Works cited:Hi,
I am also an English learner. From my perspective, I have some comments:
1. you should not capitalize some words such as Vaccines, and Vaccination
2. The idea" Furthermore, Vaccination also saves your life after ..." has no supportive sentences.
@freshjul287
I suggest that you review usage of articles and other grammar-related words. You should as well look into subject-verb agreements. There were a couple of mistakes scattered throughout the essay that I believe can easily be fixed through reviewing those material. The person above is right about capitalization.
There were instances in your essay wherein you should have omitted a few words to better the flow. For instance, your third paragraph is heavily structured. You could avoid this through creating shorter and more straightforward sentences. If you feel as though you can opt to make two sentences out of a single one, then it is best that you do that.
As for the content of your essay, it seems a bit imbalanced. You had two paragraphs dedicated for the benefits - however, you only had one that discusses the possible risks. While I think that this is because you're leaning more towards the benefits angle than the risks, you should still try to balance.
Furthermore, argumentative essays have a specific tone in them that is absent in here. Your essay came off more as an informative one because of how it articulated everything. Try refuting more than you are establishing claims.
You're on the track. Just make sure that you follow through with your tone and structure.
Hi there, Jul.
Let me have a few words on this.
1. Do not capitalise the word wher it shouldn't be. You do that to vaccine and vaccination.
2. The length of your body paragrapgh 1 and 2 is not equal. It just looks imbalanced. Try to make the word count equal.
3. In the last statement of your fourth paragraph,l you mentioned that parents who are uneducated, and so on. Try to add one more sentence of how to prevent this from happening. Maybe from socializing it or something like that.
See ya.
