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Parents should give school-age children money as a reward for getting a high mark - TOEFL WRITING


javad27 1 / -  
Aug 4, 2015   #1
Whether or not parents should give money to children as a reward for getting a high score in school. Quite a few people would deem that the more money parents paid, the more scores children gain, but others, in contrast, believe that paying money to children would be harmful. I am among the people who are disagree with that parents should pay money to children as an incentive in that not only do they may spend this money in game and other area, but also they will expect parents should give them money for other works.

First, that student may spend this money in other area is undeniable. For example, imagine a situation when parents give lots of money as a reward to motive their children for more studying but he spend this money in playing game or other leisure activities. There is no denying that parents should encourage children to gaining more scores but paying money always do not work. They can encourage their children by promising that if they gain good scores in all of their exam they will go to a trip and so on. The advantage of this method is that children are encourage in all exams not just for one exam.

The further reason why I opponent giving money to children as a reward is that children in other works have expect parents should give them money. For example, when student work in home they expect that parents should give them money because they learn that if they do well in their work, parents will give them money, and if parents did not give them money, they would be discouraged. There is no denying that parents should encourage their children but in an appropriate way.

In conclusion, owing to the aforementioned reasonable causes and elucidation described in previous paragraphs, it seems to be good to draw the well founded conclusion that parent should not giving money to their children in order to encourage them to gain more scores because it parents did not know how they spend money and also children would expect to be encouraged by money in other works. Who do not believed that children should be encouraged? But in an appropriate way.

Ron Weasley 5 / 15 4  
Aug 5, 2015   #2
Allow me to give you some suggestions ^.^

- but others, in contrast , believe that paying mone y making allowance to children would be harmful (You should writing only word or phrase to portray the contrasting point)

- I think that after your controlling ideas, you should write some support sentences. And then, you can put an example for each case.
- There is no denyingIt is undeniable that parents should encourage children (But I think you shouldn't write such trite and hollow sentence, because sometimes, it can make examiner confused. Therefore, Focusing on your idea is the best way).

- "Who do not believed that children should be encouraged? But in an appropriate way" => I think that you shouldn't make a question in the end of conclusion. In conclusion, you should focus on 2 main parts: Restate your opinion and give your recommendation .

- Another thing I want you to note: In essay, you shouldn't use "I" even though the request of topic is asking your opinion. It is because your essay would be subjective. I think you should write your opinion in the other ways without using "I".

Good luck. And If this helps you, give me a thumb. Goodbye! ^.^


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