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[TOEFL] Parents can help their children's life by asking them to take a job or not


joyhu 9 / 22 5  
Aug 8, 2013   #1
Needs everyone's feedback to grown up. Thanks for your reply. =)

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
One of the best ways that parents can help their teenage children prepare for adult life is to encourage them to take a part-time job.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.


A topic of discussion at hand is whether parents can help their teenage children prepare adult life by encouraging them to get a part-time job or not. The answer to this question can vary greatly depending on the individual perspectives. But as far as I am concerned, I agree with the idea. The following reasons will present my standpoints.

First of all, I think a teenagers can somewhat learn out school experiences from the part-time job whether the job is connected to ones major or not. For example, Jeff, my cousin. He loves music, so he chose to take a part-time job in a music studio. During the time he worked there, he learned some professional knowledge about music. And, he also learned to play guitar and keyboard there. Things turned out that he got a job in a famous company of music factory. When it comes to my friend, Jess, it is more clear that when you get a part-time job which is connected with your major, it helps a lot more. Jess had a job as a show girl in the exhibition. At first, she did the things the same with others, promoting the products and taking pictures with the guys, and so on. Once, when a potential buyer was asking some question about the notebooks. She used her knowledge that she learned from school and convince the customer to buy the product. The manager found out her strength, and offered her a internship at the end of the exhibition.

Second, no matter what kind of part-time job you take, it definitely helps in your future when you need to deal with people. Of course, the first thing you have to do is learning how to do the things right. However, the more difficult parts are how to cope with your colleague and how to make the customer satisfy. Take myself as an example, to complete the goal, I met a lot of difficulties during my part-time in a sales department. I got in a fight with my partners because of the products which we sold in different price, and I was sued by a customer to the manager because I am not that polite. Nevertheless, after those things I found myself grow up, and be stronger when some unexpected things happen. I get more ease when I meet some unfair things, too.

Although, I am agree with the idea that the parents should encourage their children to take a part-time. I think I still have to point out that there is some different points of view. People who hold different opinion may argue that students school grades can be descended by the part-time job. Of course, it may be true when taking students school scores into consideration. But, if the parents discuss with their children, and make a better plan to achieve the balance between the school and part-time job. This won't be a problem at all.

In conclusion, given the reasons described above, when the merits and demerits of whether the parents encouragement of taking a job during school times is good to children or not are carefully compared, the best choice is obviously stand on my side, which is that it is good for children's adult life.

sepideh_dodaran 2 / 4 2  
Aug 8, 2013   #2
Dear Joyhu
I really loved your essay. The only problem that I can mention is about your introduction, which I ahve so much problems with. I think it does not really fascinate the reader, and in compare with the other parts of your writing, it was weaker. but you essay was pretty.

and also we say " I agree" not " I am agree"
thanks.

I need your help too.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Aug 8, 2013   #3
You need to start with a good hook that grab the reader's attention.
OP joyhu 9 / 22 5  
Aug 8, 2013   #4
To sepideh_dodaran and dumi,

You two stand on the same point that I should improve my introdution part, and which means that is my weakness of the essay.
I will try harder next time.
Thanks for your help. =)
kristenlaurenk1 1 / 1  
Aug 9, 2013   #5
I enjoyed your essay but the introduction was not a attention grabber. I completly agree that teenagers should have a part time job while in highschool.

Can you please help me. I am not strong in writting speaches. Thank you
Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
Aug 10, 2013   #6
Second, no matter what kind of part-time job you take, it definitely helps in your future when you need to deal with people.

....why it would help dealing with people? That't the point you need to emphasise;
Secondly, no matter the type of part-time job one does, it earns this person a wealth of people skills that would certainly help him or her in their future careers when he/she to deal with people.

Of course, the first thing you have to do is learning how to do the things right. However, the more difficult parts are how to cope with your colleague and how to make the customer satisfy.

... These ideas do not supplement your previous idea. You now need to tell about those people skills in detail;
Such exposure would train a person to behave within a group while developing team spirit in them.
fuqiangang 3 / 7 3  
Aug 13, 2013   #7
A topic of discussion at hand is whether parents can help their teenage children prepare adult life by encouraging them to get a part-time job or not. The answer to this question can vary greatly depending on the individual perspectives.

Maybe you can revise "We live in a world where controversial issues are often simply taken it for granted even if parents can help their teenage children prepare adult life by encouraging them to get a part-time job.As to which election is prominent,the answers vary.Form my perspective,...."perhaps is prone to achieve better goals.

Second, no matter what kind of part-time job you take, it definitely helps in your future when you need to deal with people.

I deem that you should replenish this sentence"....to help students strengthen their resumes,build essential contacts with other people,and familiarizer them with the contemporary state of their respective fields.

Although, I am agree with the idea that the parents should encourage their children to take a part-time.

Maybe you are supposed to cancel the word"although" and tackle with this error to alter this sentence"I would argue instead that the parents should encourage their children to take a part-time job with passions and perseverance."Perhaps being able to improve your essay.


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