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[IELTS] Should parents be obliged to immunize their vulnerable children?


Jun 18, 2014   #1
Hello everyone :) Could you please help me review and rate this essay? Thanks a lot :)

Topic: Should parents be obliged to immunize their children against common childhood diseases? Or do individuals have the right to choose not to immunize their children?


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Children are vulnerable. The fact that they are susceptible to serious diseases calls for very meticulous healthcare. While many people believe that it is up to parents to decide whether their children may have access to disease immunization, I strongly believe that the parents are compelled to have their children injected and protected from common illnesses.

It is said that prevention is always better than cure, both economically and biologically. In this case, if the parents immunize their children against popular childhood illnesses, they might save a fortune to fight them off subsequently. In addition, such communicable diseases may take a toll on children whose immune systems are fragile due to necessary vacination shortage. For example, in Vietnam, many adults restrained from bringing their children to clinic for injections which results in almost a hundred deaths caused by Rubella Virus. Thereby, infants must be immunized as soon as possible.

Another reason that the grown-ups are bound to have their children shielded from diseases is merely the fact that children are the national future. From an anthropological point of view, healthy offsprings will lead a strong and sustainable community, lessening the chance of extinction. Furthermore, standing from the view of an economist, well-nourished and energetic generations will assure a constant financial escalation, which is enabled by well-rounded protection since childhood. Africa in the past, for instance, could never thrive to be prosperous despite its enormous resources only on the ground that thousands of children died each year due to a lack of medical treatment.

To conclude, immunizing children against regular illness should be regarded as a mission for adults. By doing so, they can not only benefit themselves but the nation's iminent development is also secured.

By doing so, they can not only benefit themselves but the nation's iminent development is also secured.

you wrote well, but I find a small mistake, you must write 'cannot' without space
Jun 20, 2014   #6
be careful, modal such as can, will, should, etc,,should be followed by verb 1

your writing is good. however, I remind that modal should be followed by verb-1

oh sure :) But... where are my mistakes I cannot find it ???


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