Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5


Should the parents plan their children s leisure? Yes


aqeel 8 / 25 3  
Jan 1, 2013   #1
some people believe that the parent should plan to their children s leisure. Others believe that the children should decided to plan who to spend their free time.

During my thirty years, I have learned a lot of things in my life, but perhaps, the most important of all them is to be a parent. Many of people believe that the parent should feed their children with the organic food and provide them with suitable health insurance. However, more importantly, parents is responsible about preparing their children to life, including planing their leisure for the following reason.

The first reason can seen by every person that the children still do not know the life well. There is a proverb says " the person who older than you in a day know more than you ". As a parents, they have got experience in many things. They know the nice and safe place where the children can go. To illustrate this, there is an example that is very persuasive. The entertainment land have a lot of dangerous game such as fasting train , if children ride in it , they may fall from it.

The second reason for my propensity for parents should plan to their children is that the children may be a murders in the future if they still decide what they want to spend their free time . I now still remember that the report about the violence programs in the television. If the children keep to see this movie , they will be a worst person.

In conclusion, I prefer that the parents should plan to their children to spend the leisure For the experience of the parents and some of the violence program which may be seen by the children at the free time. I am sure that if the parent plan the free time of the children, they will enjoy at their leisure.
RaviSouza 3 / 7 3  
Jan 2, 2013   #2
There are many grammar mistakes.
are you practicing for some test? TOEFL, IELST or some other?
I think you should study the English grammar.

Here are the mistakes I could find in the first paragraph.

the most important of all them is to be a parent.

the most important of them allwas how to be a parent.

Many of people believe that the parent should feed their children with the organic food and provide them with suitable health insurance.

Many people believe that parents should feed their children with organic food and provide them with a suitable health insurance.

parents is responsible about preparing their children to life, including planing their leisure for the following reason.

parents are responsible for preparing their children for life, including planing their leisure for the following reasons .

You could watch some series, so you would get used with the English structure.
When you think you are ready, try watching series and movies with English subtitles. That helped me a lot!
OP aqeel 8 / 25 3  
Jan 2, 2013   #3
thank you
I notice my grammar mistake.
I appreciate you
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Jan 3, 2013   #4
Many of people

Many people

parents is responsible

parents are responsible/ parent is responsible

However, more importantly, parents is responsible about preparing their children to life, including planing their leisure for the following reason.

.... sounds better without this part

The first reason can seen by every person that the children still do not know the life well.

The first reason is that children are not matured and experienced enough to differentiate between good and bad activities.
OP aqeel 8 / 25 3  
Jan 4, 2013   #5
dumi
my essay sound better with your feedback


Home / Writing Feedback / Should the parents plan their children s leisure? Yes
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳