IELTS: Parents responsibility of making their obese children fat. Should they be punish for it?

Children Obesity and the parents responsibility

In modern days, parents should be punished for making their children overweight. I personally disagree with this statement with the obesity is caused with genetic and uncontrolled food the children eat outside the home.

Parents are not present when the children cancer most of the food. When children are at school they snacks and have lunch and the adults have no control over that dietary intake during this time. A giant could consume the vast majority of the calories doing these unsupervised periods. Without a mother or father's knowledge or permission, and much of this intake could take the form of junk food. A Recents study found that primary school student consume an average of 75% of the daily recommended calorific allowance doing school hours.

Moreover, a plenty of children gain weight because they have their parents' gene. If their parents are overweight, a child born with genetic similarity will be overweight as well. Therefore, no matter how healthily they eat, they might have difficulty in getting a good shape. A research study found that every child gets 60% of their genomone from each parents, and if both mother and father are fat, the percentage can be higher.

In conclusion, it is unnecessary to punish the parents who let their children gain so many weights by the reason of the gene and unhealthy junk food they got at school.

It will be difficult for you to receive a passing score with this essay. When you do not meet the 250 minimum word count (you only presented 230 words), the applicable word count percentage deductions will ensure that the remaining scoring sections will not be able to boost your final score. No matter how well you do in those areas because you will not be making perfect scores in those areas either.


You are making a statement of fact in your paraphrase when this was not presented as a factual opinion in the original prompt. Therefore, the restatement is inaccurate. It is presented as an option, not a definite rule.

The writer's opinion was stated in the expected manner. However, the reasoning summary lacks clarity and proper thought development to offer an increased TA score. Rather, it will reduce the clarity score, the C+C score, and the GRA score for that paragraph.


What does cancer have to do with obesity? Did you mean "consume" the food? It is clear that your English vocabulary is severely lacking, it is not even at a beginner level. Your LR score will definitely be the lowest possible score.

The overall essay cannot be seen as properly developed or explained due to consistent incorrect English word usage. The essay cannot receive a passing consideration for any section. This is the perfect example of how not to write a task 2 essay. This is definitely a failing essay, receiving the lowest possible consideration overall.

@Holt
I really appreciate for your feedback. I'm try to get familiar with IELTS writing style.
Btw, "Parents are not present when the children cancer most of the food" is wrong due to my auto-correction when I typed it on Word, it's truly "consume" instead of "cancer".

I'm lack of the collocation to make my essay better. However, ignoring grammatical and word using mistakes, can I meet the requirement,based on the ideas, coherence, cohesion?

Thank you so much for your feedback.

Your essay is too short.
It does not have any clear examples
You only used simple grammars in your essay
You dont explain your ideal clearly
There are some grammar and vocabulary mistakes
This is my opinion

These are the biggest mistakes
I think your essay restatement was not quite suitable because it was incomplete.
You've used a very limited grammatical range with lots of errors.
There are punctuation error, like capital letters, through out your essay.
You have repeated ideas by giving examples, particularly in BP2

The essay is quite brief and needs more supporting ideas.
It is also founded several grammatical errors.
I must say the writer should develop more complex sentences, present ideas clearly, and ensure the essay is understandable.
Some tips are that you have to look over other essay examples, practice your writing and check whether it is grammatically correct or not. Good luck!