children effort at school and the money
Children need rewards, every kind of rewards to recognize their effort. Some people argue that parents should not use money as a reward because it may mislead children to believe that their effort is only for the sake of money. However, I do consider it a good idea, for not only can children learn the importance of investment, but they also can appreciate the value of money.
First, children learn to invest money on themselves. Conventional wisdom holds that children were too young to learn anything about investment. However, more and more parents nowadays use money as a reward to teach their children how to invest their earning on personal improvement. For example, when I was little, whenever I got an A on my test, my mother would give me 10 dollars as a reward. She told me I could use the money to buy everything I wanted, but before buying it, I should think about how that can change my life. Therefore, I spent my hard-earned money buying myself a Webster dictionary. Because of this dictionary, I made a huge progress in my English. In short, children know how to use money to better themselves.
Second, children learn to appreciate the value of money. "Impossible," some will say. "Their parents would finally give in and buy them whatever they want." It is true that some parents are simply soft-hearted, making their children depreciate the value of their money. This precisely explains the advantage of monetary rewarding system because only by using it can children begin to cherish every penny they have. For instance, when children know they have to study hard to make their own money, they consequently don't spend their saving on whatever they want. Instead, they keep it until the right moment arises. In sum, children realize the value of money earned on their own.
The dichotomy is evident since some argue that children would begin to judge their effort based on how much money they can get in return. While this argument is understandable, the monetary rewarding system is a good idea because children learn to invest money on themselves and begin to appreciate the value of money.
Hello Funtomas Chen
I think 'children can learn the importance of right investment' and this is some sort of a result after they learn to appreciate the value of money.
What if other people's parents just give them cash as a reward for their good scores without telling them to think twice before spending?
I think that it is individual thinking to invest money the right way. Usually, a student who frequently succeeds at exams is a rational person. That is why he chooses to utilize his monetary rewards on something that is useful for his study. This development then teaches him to calculate his investment on anything later in life.
The reasoning in body 2 is kinda similar to body 1. You should think of different way to support your idea on this one.
Looking forward to read your next works
I suggest that you revise your usage of tenses in the essay.When you are writing down your essay, you should always keep in mind in which particular tense you wish to write it in. For instance, hypothetical essays like this one which play around on what could happen are better written in future tense. Keep this in mind when writing your essay.
Assessing, on the other hand, the content of your essay, I would say that you could create more specific projections about the lives of children. Perhaps you can make a concise comparative on the difference between the future attitude of these children towards money and finances. You can discuss this more in detail by tackling how they differ in terms of handling monetary issues in the future. You can also go in-depth as to why it is important for children to learn these things in the early stages of their life. You had mentioned that there will be a moment in the future that will test them - you can discuss this more by being more specific.
At one point in your essay, you were becoming repetitive as well. I would recommend that you avoid using redundant words to expand your content more substantially.
Thank you for your feedback. It really helps me a lot. Sometimes when I come across this kind of topic, I am just out of ideas. Maybe, I should just treat it in a more simple way. But, thank you again.
Thank you for your grammar tips; I will keep that in mind. Also, thank you for your suggestion of how I should develop my content. I will revise the content and post it again. Once again, thank you very much.