INTRODUCTIONoverall, I can catch your idea here, but the way you presented your sentence causes difficulty for the readers to comprehend your paragraph.NEED TO ENHANCE YOUR LEXICAL RESOURCE. AVOID REPETITION, NOT ONLY ABOUT FOR THE IDEAS BUT ALSO THE WORDSBecoming parents are a big
gest responsibility,
ESPECIALLY for
keepRAISING their children
WELL . One of
working by parentsPARENTS DUTIES IS TO teach their children
HOW TO become useful
for citizens, (...) with the other
S . On the
otherONE hand, school is
one ofA place
FOR children to get information and knowledge
OF how to be
A good people which ...
ALTHOUGH Some people argue that, parents
ARE THE ONES THAT should teach children (...) of society
and WHILE other say school is the
BEST place to learn (...) get knowledge and
habbit become friendly in society.
BODY PARAGRAPHbody 1:
Behavior of parents are the key of children to be good .........................give good example and explanation the benefit to be useful for other human.
THIS IS AN ADEQUATE IDEA AND EXPLANATION. ON THIS THREE SENTENCES, YOUR IDEA IS DEVELOPED WELL. HOWEVER, THE FIRST SENTENCE AND THE EXAMPLE TILL THE LAST SENTENCE IS INAPPROPRIATE.Another important thing that I need to emerge and keep remind to you is to fix the way you produce sentence well. Even the best idea ever will not score high since your grammatical issue affect the coherence and cohesion of your writing. GOOD LUCKbody 2:
However, school is ALSO the place of children to get new experience
TAKE THIS AS YOUR MAIN IDEA AND THEN YOUR TASK IS DEVELOP IT WELL. HONESTLY, YOU GET THE IDEA OF THE QUESTION AND YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED TO WRITE, BUT THE WAY YOU PUT EXPLANATION AND EXAMPLE IS THE ONE THAT RUIN YOUR ESSAYCONCLUSION:REVISE IT, SHORTLY THIS IS A GOOD CONCLUSION SINCE YOU BRIEFLY MENTION YOU MAIN IDEAS HERE. THE ONLY PROBLEM IS YOUR SENTENCE STRUCTURE, FUNCTION, AND MEANINGGOOD LUCK