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Parents or school? Who will teach children to be good citizens?

laaaa0012 1 / -  
Jun 3, 2021   #1
Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.

Discuss both these view and give your own opinion

The responsibility of adults is how to teach children to be good citizens of society. While others suppose that children are taught at school, which educates children to be good members of the community. Nevertheless, I strongly believe that parents can teach children to be good citizens.

Firstly, schools are admitted that have a standard educational curriculum. So that their educational procedure in instructing children is thorough and wide knowledge Also, it bases on the abundant experiment of teachers. Secondly, teachers in school are more tough and strict with their students. Because teachers have no blood relation with their students so they will not pamper children too much. In addition, they are willing to use forceful measures in order to help children recognize children's fallibility.

On the other hand, parents are the closest people beside their children. Thus, children are being affected by every action and speech throughout children's adulthood so that parents can teach children the right things in children's own life easily. For instance, they have relevant teaching methods with their children because of understanding children's personality. Moreover, parents who are experienced people can instruct children best. The reason for that is parental love, which leads them to always hope and teach their children to avoid mistakes in parent's past.

In conclusion, I think that parents are always the people nearby and proficient adults who educate children to be good citizens in the future.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,933 3567  
Jun 4, 2021   #2
The responsibility of adults

Not adults. It is the responsibility of parents. Adults is the incorrect synonym to use. By the way. you cannotstate this as a fact because it is presented asan opinion of one group in the prompt. Your version should reflect that.

can teach

Not can teach but should teach. You are basically responding to the question," Who is responsible?".

abundant experiment

Word usage error.Did you mean experience instead ? There is no connection between the topic, teacher, and experiments.

You failed to explain why teachers cannot appropriately teach their students to be good citizens. The reasons you gave indicate why they can do it, not why they will fail to do it. Unless you can explain why the reasons you presented make the lessons impossible, your opinion becomes unclear to the reader.
HelloHola 1 / 3  
Jun 5, 2021   #3
i think you should include "i believe" in paragraph 2 maybe :/
Paul16 5 / 8 1  
Jun 5, 2021   #4
I think your topic sentence should be more general and leave the explanations to supporting sentences.
phatpham332 1 / 3 1  
Jun 6, 2021   #5
Hi! I would like to have some feedbacks on your writing.
The first thing, I agree with Holt that you didn't make your position clear, especially in your conclusion.
Secondly, you should have increased your word count further. You will get a penalty for not meeting the requirements because you wrote only 236 words. I'm afraid that your score will be affected severely.

Thirdly, "a standard educational curriculum" is not in the right order. It should have been "educational curriculum standards" or "standardized educational curriculum"
Finally, a topic sentence for each body is necessary to introduce the main idea of the paragraph. Although not strictly necessary, but the easiest way to improve your C&C score.

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