Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both of schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. Do you agree or disagree?Your response (from what I understood):
both parents and school are the best role model for the children.My comments/suggestion:
I think your response is quite smart. Additionally, you may consider another viewpoint, that is, the students should have their control over their choices. But this depends on how you think about the prompt right? :)
There are some minor grammar mistakes though. So, my correction is as follows:1st paragraph
It is argued thatB oth parents and school hold ...
... both parents and schools are the best role model for the children.
It is true thatB oth parents and schools have more responsibilities to kids' activities because students spent most of their time is spent at home and schools . Parents , as the role model, hold the crucial aspect for thetheir children's habit. For instance, activities such as stay up,leisure habits, a lots media consuming habits usage , out-door activities out of home , and eating habits nutrition have to beare controlled by parents ... In sS chools, as the second home for students, have to lead studentschool's activities whenwhile theythese children are not in uncontrolled by their parents's control . The teachers must introduce students to always live clean such ...
As a result, when young children copy good role model (...) from the schools , they
those are able to lead them into health activities. It is clear that both parents and school should be aware of students activities to direct them in better way of life.
It should develop
the regulation which is able to leads theits citizen to facehave a better life. Ministry of health should take part in improving a part for health activities for the residences.
... parts in a country should
take partbe responsible infor prevention of lifestyle changeunhealthy habits to faceagainst the challenge of global media and health worldwide development .
... both parents and schools are the most crucial aspects ...
Other factors should
take partbe considered to influencepromote the healthy lifestyle.