Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

Whether parents or schools should be responsible for teaching child to become a helpful citizen

pbaimar 3 / 1  
Dec 1, 2018   #1

IELTS Writing Task 2: Discuss both View Essay

This is my essay for the topic, grateful to have any feedback.

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Whether parents or schools should responsible for teaching child to be a helpful citizen has been widely discussed. In my opinion, they are equally important in this case.

One the one hand, it is undeniable that parents should play important roles in moral education for children. Social activities are very limited to children and they have very few opportunities to interact and communicate with other grow-ups who might act as good examples to obey and respect the rules. Parents are the closest family members to kids and it is very easy for children to mocking their behaviors. Thus, they will miss an important channel to acquire what is important in life if parents refuse to help them.

On the other hand, there are several reasons that we should not underestimate the functions of schools in building value system for children. Firstly, the simplest reason is that school is not only a place to teach knowledge and basic skills but also where children should learn how to be a useful person. Secondly, school is the second home for children and where they spend the time to build their early social connections. The behaviors of other kids would have a significant impact on them. Which means it is crucial that schools make sure every child obtains the proper lessons about the common value of life and society. Finally, children might believe whatever told by parents are right even it is not. Schools need to provide them with the idea about how to distinguish right from wrong systematically.

The moral education for children is complex. Schools are responsible for giving them the right guidance of doing the right things and parents should also act well to be a good role model and first teachers.

vietduccan 10 / 19 7  
Dec 1, 2018   #2
Hi, I think you have addresses the requirement all parts of the question precisely but not very well. To be more specific, the sentences in your body paragraphs are not well connected. There are some irrelevant ideas to the opening statement. This would make you lose your score in CC criteria. Another problem related with CC is that there is a lack of cohesive devices (linking words) between your ideas.

In GR criteria, you have to use a variety of complex sentences in order to be at least 6.0, but in your essay, I see most of your sentences are simple sentences.

Make sure that you use word collocation accurately.

Home / Writing Feedback / Whether parents or schools should be responsible for teaching child to become a helpful citizen