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Essay writing; Parents should send children to school or not to be good members of society .


Pedram 2 / 5  
Jan 21, 2015   #1
Hi, every body,

It's first time that I am using this site and I would like to receive your correction and also your suggestions to improve my essay writing.

Thanks in advance.

Pedram
....
Subject:
Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others however believe that school is the place to learn this.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


(At least 250 words)

Some researchers believe that parents play important rule of children socialization and others rely on their causes, mentioned school as a place where has power to lead children to be efficient in society. Each group cites their own reasons in order to convince others.

The group which claim that we should send our children to school to socialize cite their own reasons for convince others. They think being in school helps children to conflict with each other which allows them to experience a real relationship. In addition, they learn to work in group and follow orders of a leader which they won't acquire at home with their own parents who love them too much.

In the other hand some believe that parents have efficient effect on upbringing of children to be good member of society. In their opinion, due to the deep relationship between parents and children and also much time that they are together, parents can understand their own children personality which causes to help children effective in order to improve their skills. Another possible explanation is parent's compassion, which cares and controls children all time.

To summarize, both groups who claim that send children to school and those mention children should stay at home have convincing reasons but in my opinion school will be a better place to make children socialize. Furthermore they will have time to stay with their own parents after school time.

kibz95 16 / 53 15  
Jan 22, 2015   #2
Hello Pedram.
Before I do any revision, I would like to point out that if this is an essay that must not exceed 250 words, I highly suggest you make a 3 paragraph essay. A paragraph less than 100 words can't help but to be weak in words, examples, or details. Try writing a 3 paragraph essay with more details.
SHanafi 120 / 422 93  
Jan 23, 2015   #3
Hi, Pedram. Welcome to Essay Forum and pleasure to share with you.

Let me do some suggestions.
Back to the prompt

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others however believe that school is the place to learn this.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Beside it requires you to discuss the views, it wants you to give your opinion. Then it is important to add your opinion in your intro.

a possible intro
Upbringing children is main duty of parents. Obviously, parents should do the proper way in order to educate their children to become a good member of society. However, another view says that the process to form good society member is well establish through the school's environment. In my opinion, both of views can be appropriate for certain reasons.

The group which claim that we should send our children to school to socialize cite their own reasons for convince others. They think being in school helps children to conflict with each other which allows them to experience a real relationship. In addition, they learn to work in group and follow orders of a leader which they won't acquire at home with their own parents who love them too much.

There are many ways to break down the prompt into body paragraph. However, due to I like this way, I do suggest you to add a main idea then support it. To me, this answered body needs to be strengthen. As reader, I caught that you want to tell that in school children can build their interpersonal aspect in school. This then, is the good way to become a good member of society. This can be your main idea then the next work is to support it.

InOn the other hand some believe that parents have efficient effect on upbringing of children to be good member of society. In their opinion, due to the deep relationship between parents and children and also much time that they are together, parents can understand their own children personality which causes to help children effective in order to improve their skills. Another possible explanation is parent's compassion, which cares and controls children all time.

In such paragraph you have to make contra explanation in which why the best way to train a good member of society is through home environment instead of depicting the parents view of upbringing children.

Probably this example can help you
Parents knows the strength and weakness of their children. Since the baby birth, parents do interact closely with their child, this is possible then they can encourage the children potential in purpose to be a good member of society. A good example of this is the using method of home schooling. In such method, parents play a vital role to map children's potential in breaking down the proper lessons that can boost the children capability. A children with musical talent may well develop if they get more lesson about music alongside math or physics. Thanks to such method, a positive growth in developing talented musician helps the society in having some professionals

On the other hand, the sense of competition in school cannot be altered with focusing teaching at home. As become a competitive person is one of the aspect to strengthen child mentally in global competition further, school becomes the appropriate place to build it. In 2003, US recorded that about 7,7 million American children is taught practically about fair competition through school's sport team. Obviously, the seed to become competitive through competitive lesson cannot be effectively gained by parental teaching.


A tip in constructing conclusion
The thesis statement and the main points of each paragraph should be stated. Also, you are to add the main recommendation of the issue.


Hopefully this helps you
OP Pedram 2 / 5  
Jan 26, 2015   #4
Hi, Sekar

Thank you so much for your suggestions that were so useful for my writing.

Can we state a lie survey in order to support our idea by saying number and percentage ?
"In 2003, US recorded that about 7,7 million American children is taught practically about fair competition through school's sport team"

I didn't get your means about " main recommendation of the issue ". I would be most grateful if you would write conclusion for this topic too.

Thank you for your help.
OP Pedram 2 / 5  
Jan 28, 2015   #5
A tip in constructing conclusion
The thesis statement and the main points of each paragraph should be stated. Also, you are to add the main recommendation of the issue.

Hi, Sekar

Thank you so much for your suggestions that were so useful for my writing.

Can we state a lie survey in order to support our idea by saying number and percentage ?
"In 2003, US recorded that about 7,7 million American children is taught practically about fair competition through school's sport team"

I didn't get your means about " main recommendation of the issue ". I would be most grateful if you would write conclusion for this topic too.

Thank you for your help.
SHanafi 120 / 422 93  
Jan 29, 2015   #6
Can we state a lie survey in order to support our idea by saying number and percentage ?
"In 2003, US recorded that about 7,7 million American children is taught practically about fair competition through school's sport team"

Hy Pedram, I did not do lie about the data. I do not know even attaching a link is permitted in this forum, but I synthesize the data based on Hilary Levey Friedman's article titled "When Did Competitive Sports Take Over American Childhood ?", in regard if you want to read :D. Actually, I am not in line in writing tricky data though I recommend to write the factual data indeed.

I didn't get your means about " main recommendation of the issue

Well, let me try to explain more
The topic says about school or parents is the best place for upbringing children to good society member. In your conclusion, I think, It is good for you to give recommendation which one is the best place in teaching how to be good member of society.

I would be most grateful if you would write conclusion for this topic too.

This is just an example for you to compare, do not too straight with my style. Every person has different way to write an essay. If you want to do more compare, please kindly read another essays from another writers too.

nice to share with you :)
OP Pedram 2 / 5  
Jan 30, 2015   #7
Thanks for your clear explanation, Sekar.


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