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IELTS essay: Parents should teach children about money


samkmas 3 / 5  
May 1, 2014   #1
Money in the modern city is an absolutely essential thing for us to live. We exchange different things such as staples by using it. There are many books teaching us how to earn more money or how to make an investment. But the audience are mainly adults, far less focusing on children. Is there any needs letting children know more about the wise use of money and teach them the balanced values towards money as soon as possible. As for me, I agree that the children should be taught how to use money by the teachers and the parents. There are several reasons supporting my view.

Some study show that the experience during childhood have a huge impact to the development of adults. More reliable evidence provides that the values of parents towards money are strongly linked with their children, and this will not easily be vanished for the course of life. Besides, children' mind are not seriously firmed and are easily affected by their peers when socializing with them. If they meet a false friend in haphazard, they may go astray for the rest of life. By that time, they cannot learn the correct way of using money and may live in a lavish lifestyle. To cultivate them with a correct value towards money has a huge benefit.

In China, many children receive much pocket money during the lunar years. Many youngsters have a good habit of storing them until they grow up to a certain age or using them at an urgent time. I like most of them and only buy some favorable things which is very attractive to me. Since I am at the young age, I also have an investment habit helped by my parents. They allow me to store the extra money into the bank, and use them until my university life starts. It let me recognize that money cannot be trifled away as my parents earn every penny very hard against labor. Their attitude towards money also have made an ever-increasing positive impact to me. And I will treasure my money I earn and only spend them on the necessarily thing. I believe I will teach my children the same value as me in the future.

To conclude, children should be taught by their parents how to use the money wisely and this enables children have a huge benefit when they grow up. This not only help the individual, but also cultivate a correct attitude towards money for the community and promote us to treasure limited resources what we have now.

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
May 2, 2014   #2
It is always good to include the prompt in your thread so that we can provide you with more meaningful feedbacks.

I don't say this is a bad intro, however, I wish you introduce the background of the issue in its original sense.
Pahan 1 / 1,907 553  
May 2, 2014   #3
yHowever, it is far more better if you can help me modify the essay to let me understand your requirement, since it is hard to understand.

That is the very reason why we include sample essays. Read them carefully and try to figure out the features we have mentioned in the guidelines. Let's take your introduction;

Money in the modern citysociety is an absolutely essential thing for us to live

... As per the approach provided by dumi for the intro, this line should be your hook. This is a good idea for a hook, but you have made a small error there by using the word "city" instead of "society".

We exchange different things such as staples by using it. . There are many books teaching us how to earn more money or how to make an investment. But the audience are mainly adults, far less focusing on children. IsAre there any needs letting children know more about the wise use of money and teach them the balanced values towards money as soon as possible.

Here what you've got to do is to paraphrase your prompt (which you should have included in the post) ... I don't say that you have not attempted to present the issue, but I feel you've gone a little out of topic as per the requirement of the intro and also you have less alignment with the topic (the approach we give is not only to score your marks, but to help you manage time effectively as well) This is what I would suggest;

Therefore some people view that it is necessary to teach children about handling money from a young age.
Let's look at your thesis statement;

As for me, I agree that the children should be taught how to use money by the teachers and the parents. There are several reasons supporting my view.

... the latter part is not necessary as it is not adding any value for your essay. You only waste your time.
There are lots of people who have followed the approach we have suggested and got good scores. However, it is up to you to examine them carefully and develop your own approach.


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