It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
what sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children.
distinction between right and wrong
Children must learn how to react, they have to understand the consequences of their actions. I believe it is the parent's job to teach them how to stay in right path. In fact, they can punish them based on their actions. In the following paragraph, I will discuss what could be the best possible teaching method for parents.
Firstly, there are a lot of studies that show it counts as forbidden to hit the child if he/she did something bad. It could leave a lot of memories to scar them for life or even hold them back when they get older.
Secondly, one of the important roles of parents is to guide their children and prepare them for future. In addition, they must figure out a way to remain in control so that kids listen to their words and accept them. For instance, one of my family has a child who does whatever he wants and never reacts to the word "don't". he does not care if it comes from his parents or someone else. I think he will become spoiled in the future and also there is a possibility of hurting himself.
Lastly, there are a lot of ways to control children, but the crucial point is to stay fair. I mean sometimes just a talk can teach so many things. For example, I remember when I was a child, my parents used grounding as a method of control or sometimes they just banned the objects which caused the problem, like a toy gun. I believe it is a healthy attitude toward children because they both understand they did something bad and also respect more the freedom they had before.
In conclusion, parents are allowed to punish their children, as a matter of fact, it is their responsibility. And they must try to remain fair. I think a method for parents could be to take the freedom from their children which proved to be effective.
I think you should give some evidence to justify your second paragraph. In my opinion, your second paragraph is not strong enough to say that punishing is forbidden. Giving an example or elaborate more can be a way to help develop the readers to understand your point of view.
In addition, looking at your essay I do not think it is strong enough because you only present examples taken from your personal experiences. I suggest you provide some examples from news or dependable sources so that it is more trustworthy and objective.
Good luck with your writing task :)
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This is an extent discussion essay. Yet there is no reference to that discussion in your opening paraphrase. That makes the paragraph faulty and as such, will receive the appropriate points deduction. The proper presentation for this opening statement is as follows:
While everyone agrees that children must be taught how to properly conduct themselves in public at an early age, the method by which this should be done is debatable. Some people acknowledge that punishing children necessary in order to teach them the difference between right and wrong. I agree with the aforementioned statement to a certain degree.
I decided to use the "certain degree" discussion in this instance because, as I reviewed your essay, I realized that you had certain reservations regarding punishments and how it should be applied. Therefore, this extent essay needs to be "limited" in presentation so that you can discuss both sides of the issue.
I have a problem with the way that you wrote this essay. You wrote 329 words but you did not fully accomplish the task requirements. Due to the missing discussion points, you will definitely lose points that could affect whether or not this essay passes the test. Writing a lot of words, if it is not aligned with the prompt requirements is useless. Your statements need to be aligned with the prompt requirements in order for the word count to be of value in the final scoring.
This kind of essay need to discuss the reason why you agree / disagree. You can clearly express your opinion at the end of first paragraph, and reaffirm it at the last paragraph (conclusion). So the reader can know your attitude about this topic.
It is better to share the example to support each notions. Just like your forth paragraph.
You can combine paragraph two and four into one paragraph, or combine paragraph three and four into one paragraph.
I think they are close, it almost repetition.