Nowadays, some parents tend to give their children e-books to read. What about printed materials?

Some people believe online reading materials should only be used for a child to learn to read

Nowadays, some parents tend to give their children e-books to read. However, the others tend to buy printed books in brick and mortar stores. They have both pros and cons in children's development.

First, we are familiar with printed materials for long time such as newspapers, fairy tale stories, ... It is obviously that we hold the materials by hand and read them. The pros is that your children can prevent their eyes from diseases such as epic and definitely no longer use glasses. However, printed materials are often edited in black and write that less appeal the youngsters.

In contrast, those who choose online reading materials for their children allegedly influence in different ways. In today's modern world, intelligent technology are significantly developing leading more and more reading frameworks risen. Parents that are almost young people with at least a smart phone can easily buy online e books or download free reading documents. They can save a great deal of money as well as time by clicking and paying via credit card. Moreover, online reading materials are designed with colorful pictures, equipted with attractive sounds and other tools that helps boost the children's cognitive development. In the other hand, children may lose track of time when use phone, ipad or television. Take my son as an example, he sometime lose himself in watching online content and neglects eating. In conclusion, parents should balance the time children using online reading materials and printed ones to nurture the reading habit of children efficiently.

In the first paragraph,
"However, the others tend",
Delete the word 'the' before others.
In second paragraph,
"newspapers, fairy tale stories",
Add the word 'etc' instead of adding so many full stops to represent majorities.
Also,
"It is obviously that "
The word 'obvious' should be used.
Word mistake,
"write''='white'.
In third paragraph,
It should be,
'and more reading frameworksome to rise'.
Also,
It should be,
'he sometimes loses himself'.

I found a lot more mistakes but unfortunately I do not know how to fix them so I hope someone else will point it out for you.

The complete discussion instruction for this essay is: Discuss both views and give your opinion. You did not accomplish that. The format for this essay is normally, a 5 paragraph essay covering:

- Restated prompt and discussion instruction
- Public POV 1 (second person / group pronouns)
- Public POV 2 (second person / group pronouns)
- Personal POV (first person pronouns)
- Recap

Or you could have discussed it as:

- Restated prompt
- Public POV 1 + Personal opinion (agree or disagree with the opinion)
- Public POV 2 + Personal opinion (agree or disagree with the opinion)
- Recap

If you opt for the 2nd style, then you will need to follow the format suggested below for the discussion:
- Topic sentence (public POV)
- One sentence explaining why this is valid
- One disagreement / agreement sentence
- Explanation
- Example to support the explanation

Do that for both paragraphs. Hence you have a choice. Either you write a 4 paragraph presentation or, you write a 5 paragraph presentation. For beginners, I advice that you use the first format instead. At least for the first 5 essays or so that you write. Once you get used to writing the personal opinion, it will become easier for you to write the more advanced combined public + personal opinion paragraphs. It is always better to use the long form first.

Needless to say, the format of your essay will not help you achieve a passing score. It will get a score from the examiner, but it may not reach the 5 band because you did not use the correct pronouns, nor represent the discussion in the suggested format. The paragraphs are not very coherent and the discussions are really well connected. It is stressful and difficult to read / understand. All of these will prevent your score from getting any higher considerations.

Hi, I'm tata, a learner of academic writing, too. So, let me mention some correction for your essay.

in my opinion, the essay asked the writer to make the pros and cons or advantages and disadvantages.
You should make the contents balanced. also, you have to check your grammar. I don't mean my grammar is good, but we need to remind it each other as learner. okay :)

once more, the paragraph of your essay need to be added more.
1. Topic Sentence
2. Advantages or pros, and example
3. Disadvantages or cons, and example
4. Conclusion

let's study together :)