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Parents should have much time for their children which are lonely sometimes

anthonypasha 1 / -  
Jul 6, 2014   #1
Parents is the most important for their children, because they are closed family that children have. Nowadays many parents go out working because of three reasons. The first is salary, to fulfill their daily needed of life. For example we need much money for pay living cost, tuition fee for school of their children, for holiday, and others basic daily needs.

The second is career, many parents have high educational background, therefor, if they only work at home or do not have professional working, and do not get good career after long time study at university, I think so pity, is norm for people who want catch a dream. The third is experience, parent will get many difference experience when they go out work, for example, their know how to manage their time and staff, how to be good leader, and how to solve the problem they face at work

On the other hand children need their parents attention, for instance the children need to discussion or tell about their activity at school or with their friends, correct the homework, playing football together, go fishing like their friends at the leisure time. In conclusion, I agree if parents go out work to increasing their family wealth, get money to spend in positive activity, and make their children happy. But the parents should have much time for their children maybe in leisure time, their spend all the day playing with their children such as go swimming, go fishing, that make their children do not filling alone.

eirehc 4 / 6  
Jul 8, 2014   #2
Parents play an important role in upbringing their children. In these modern world, parents tend to work harder and spend longer hours away from home to make ends meet.
Abrar - / 2 1  
Jul 8, 2014   #3
Your essay looks quite short.
You should innovate your essay more to grab the reader's attention
You should skip a line while moving to a next paragraph.
But still the essay was good! Keep it Up!
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Jul 15, 2014   #4
First, I have some admin requests - You should have opened this thread in Writing Feedback forum which is the most appropriate forum for this essay. Also, it is better you mention the purpose of writing this essay ( for example - IELTS, TOEFL, GRE etc.) so that you would earn more meaningful and task related feedbacks from others. Next is that you should include the full prompt of your essay in the post for us to understand what it really requires from you and align our feedbacks accordingly.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Jul 15, 2014   #5
It is sometimes hard to share writing feedback if you don't include a complete hook. Secondly, when you open a new paragraph, leave one line. Then, follow Dumi's instruction is a must. By this, you help readers follow what you have written.

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