TOEFL - Parents have many useful ways to help their children to prepare their adult life

hi,I am new here. It's so great to have a forum to improve my English and make friend. Thanks for your advice in advance!

Topic : Do you agree or disagree with the following statement.
The best way that parents to help their teenager children to prepare the adult life is to support them to have a part-time job.

With the development of society, there are an increasing number of people who are concerned about whether the best way that parents to help their children to prepare the adult life is to assist them to have a part time job. Some people assert that having a part time job would bring many competitive advantages to teenager, while others have negative attitude toward this issue. Despite many diversified opinions aired by different people based on their own concern of this problem, there can be no doubt that taking a part time job is not the best way for children to prepare their adult life.

The first reason that I want to put forward is that parents should encourage their school-aged children to develop interests and skills in school rather than help them find a part time job. That is to say, children have a lot of things to learn while they are studying at school, therefore, they shouldn't waste too much time on taking a part time job. Take me as an example. I had learned many professional skills and knowledge during my school days and those courses really help me a lot in my career.

That's why I am greatly convinced that parents should assist their children to gain many skills and pursue their ambitious goals.

Another thing worth mentioning is that parents could share past experience with their children. The reason is that children can avoid some mistakes that their parents may face before or deal with some difficulties more quickly. To put this point into an actual context, my sister didn't know how to cope with the stresses and strains of school work before. Thus, my father taught her how to allocate time to different activities and he also asked her to do some exercise to refresh her mind and body. Those suggestions are really works and my sister can handle stresses very well until she became an adult. There can be no doubt that parents have to put more emphasis on interacting with their children to help them prepare their adult life.

Taking into account all of these aspects, I believe that parents have many useful ways to help their children to prepare their adult life instead of finding a part time for them. That is not to say, of course, that others points of view are without merit. However, I hold that the reasons I have provided in favor of my standpoints are stronger.

I just fast scan thought your essay. I think your should add another reason or example to support your opinion. Only two reasons it seems too little to support. About the grammar I will find sometime to check again. Thank You.

There are not many grammar errors in this article actually, but there is a repeated sentence"prepare their adult life"
Maybe you could make some changes such as "which is better(beneficial for their adult life)"