Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

IELTS: Should both parents work in a family?


shaddy 17 / 47 7  
Apr 21, 2013   #1
In today's competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents to go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents' absence.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience


Competition around the globe is very strict these days. All the parents try to provide best of what they can. This race compels both parents of the modern families to work for fulfilling the needs of their children. Some people believe that it is alright if both parents in a family work whereas others tend to oppose the statement. I believe that in order to fairly divide the burden and provide facilities to the children both parents must work.

The people who think that only one parent should be responsible for earning money to support the family give reason of emotional support from parents. They believe that children developing in these families share a strong bond with the family members. Moreover, they find themselves more secure especially in the time when they are after some advice from their elders, for example during early days in schools and while preparing for exams. The instant help not only lessens their worries but also creates intense attachment in the relationship.

The people who support the idea of working of both parents, however, argue that this divides the parent's burden and helps them in providing better facilities. For example, these parents can bear the expanses of a good school for the children and can fulfil their demands without taking any external help. Furthermore, these parents tend to be more understanding and concerned about their children. This care impacts in a good way on their future.

In addition to this the children of working parents are found more responsible and understanding. This is because, from the very small age they know how to take care of themselves and handle the matters in the absence of the parents. This helps greatly in their behavioural development.

In conclusion, it is good to have both parents working in order to meet the needs of modern world and developing a child's personality.

____________

Hi guys

Please help me by checking the essay.

Thanks for yours great help so far.

Regards
S

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Apr 21, 2013   #2
This race compels both parents of the modern families to work for fulfilling the needs of their children.

Good introduction ... :)

I believe that in order to fairly divide the burden and provide facilities to the children both parents must work.

... I guess you can improve its presentation a lot by re-organizing this line.... Anyways, it is not grammatically incorrect... I wish if it is a bit more improved in presentation;

I believe that parents could effectively share the burden of providing necessary facilities for their children's development if both of them are employed.

The people who think that only one parent should be responsible for earning money to support the family give reason of emotional support from parents.

The people who oppose the idea of having both parents working, believe this arrangement would disturb children receiving enough emotional support from their parents.

hey believe that children developinggrowing up in these families share a strong bond with the family members.

You write well :)
OP shaddy 17 / 47 7  
Apr 21, 2013   #3
The people who oppose the idea of having both parents working, believe this arrangement would disturb children receiving enough emotional support from their parents.

Thanks dumi. I hope I could score my intended band...


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS: Should both parents work in a family?