Bringing Back A Lost Sense Of Community
Topic: Today, an increasing people in cities know little their neighbors, and do not have the sense of community. What do you think are the reasons and what solutions can you suggest?
Writing:
Over the past decades, urbanization has never ceased to draw public attention and provoke debates. Although, this tendency has been encouraged and developed as one of top priorities in governments 's policy, this also has engendered profoundly negative effects on relationships between city dwellers and their next door and lead to the fact that citizens barely know their neighbors. In this following essay, reasons behind this phenomenon will be discussed, along with appreciate solutions.
First, at the heart of the matter is the fast pace of life. Nowadays, people are fully occupied by work for providing their family's finance and other monetary needs, that leads to the result of diminishing time spending for associating with their acquaintances and neighbors. Furthermore, due to having limited time for achieving enormous financial demands, citizen tend to focus on relationship which company with economic benefits like prioritizing time with customers, college, employers, potential investors and overlook their next door.
Second, although this invisible, the invasion of exotic cultures also has added fuel to the fire. Western culture which favors privacy and individualism have made traditional concepts of family society eroded. For instance, it is common that in public place, people should keep physical distance to each other called private bubble to show their respect. Over time, this habit has evolved towards the standard that polite people should not be annoying, disturbing.
To solve this problem, governments should play the active role by introducing policy which able to regulate the pace of life. For example, paid-holidays, the abolishment of long working hours can give workers more pleasure time to build rapport with their neighbors. Only when they have more free time, can they dedicate to social relations. Beside that, individuals should revive the conventional principle of family society. For example, it is by gone that people used to live their life according to the saying "better a near neighbor than a brother far-off". They are recommended to go back these days and show respect to their neighbor in term of their own interests in some cases that they need emergency assistance.
In conclusion, the major causes of loose relations between neighbors in cities are the lack of time to build closed neighbor's connection and the invasion of exotic cultures which bias privacy. In order to make this problem vanished, the government's commitment and individual's compliance need to be executed as mentioned below.overall, I think the structure is quite good.
Focusing on the content, you may consider to drawbacks from the development in Internet, while it would undermine the availability of face-to-face communication.
Also government's role could be the organizer to arrange some social events to bridge the citizens.
Thank you for your article. Appreciated.
@Alicia2019
I think that your essay is impressive on its own. However, I do have a couple of suggestions regarding its technical structure and composition.
Firstly, I would recommend that you make your sentences have simpler structures. What I mean by this is that eliminatingwords that make your sentences complex.
For instance, I would revise the second sentence of your first paragraph as:
This tendency has been encouraged as one of the priorities of the government. Policy-makers are taught to tackle the negative effects of the lack of relationship among city dwellers and their neighbors.
Notice how I removed redundant words - or those words that do not add significant value to the essay's overall flow. If you have words that have similar meanings that are both encapsulated into a single sentence, I would opt to remove one of the words. This is an imperative strategy to learn especially if you are working with word counts such as in IELTS exams. This will help you know how to prioritize your thoughts and structure your sentences in accordance to what is being asked by the essay question.
Furthermore, I would also suggest that you look at sentences that you use that have insufficient or hanging thoughts. Take a look at the first sentence of your second paragraph. This is a key example of what I mean. While these sentences are supposedly for creative purposes, you should bear in mind that they also accumulate space. I suggest that you go straight to the point.
For instance, I could revise this as:
The fast-paced lifestyle has led to the diminished spending time given to making acquaintance with neighbors.
Packing all of your thoughts into one concise sentence will enable you to have substantial content without risking a particular style that you want to relay.
In addition, I also suggest that you become more specific in terms of contextualizing your essay. You should be able to provide specific examples. Even if an essay is an impromptu one, think of ones that are generally known or are experienced by a lot of people. Having these canvas or template examples would help you have more content into your narration of the topic.
I also suggest that you answer this question in your conclusion:
Why is it the government's responsibility to promote these initiatives?
I recommend that you apply all these comments to the rest of your essay.Best of luck to you.
