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IELTS writing part2, congestion and traffic jams are a common and major problem in most cities.


macbz 2 / 4  
Nov 13, 2017   #1

traffic jam and congestion problem



Nowadays congestion and traffic jams are a common and major problem in most cities. Some people believe it is a good idea to construct wider roads to resolve this issue. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? What can be the solution, in your opinion?'

In the urban area, communities are suffering traffic congestion. There are some voices to argue the government should widen roads to solve this problem. In my opinion, I disagree with this solution. I honestly believe there is another efficient method to reduce the density of cars.

There are three key reasons why increasing road lanes to resolve traffic jams is not the better idea. Firstly, most cities are already crowded, in other words, there is a limitation of space for wider roads. Secondly, the construction mostly is a time-consuming project. For example, land acquisition is an essential task by authorities before the roadwork, and it may force some individuals to move their house. After going through all these procedures, it may spend few years to finish. Finally, the government has to invest a considerable amount of money on expanding roads, in terms of the complicated of work.

Rather than building lanes, I would suggest that government focuses on legislation for enforcing people to take public transportation instead of personal vehicles. Moreover, the legislature should consider the communities' budgets and commute time. For instance, they could use a mechanism of a monthly ticket to intrigue people take the train, metro system and buses at a cheaper price. Perhaps the government could, even more, provide the routes in discount period for public to choose, thus, they can prevent the crowded in some transports.

In conclusion, widen roads is not an adequate suggestion to diminish the traffic jam and congestion problem. Comparing to the roadwork, building the law is more efficiency, and it not only directly benefits to civics but also is more practical in modern cities.

chinkybehl22 10 / 25 4  
Nov 13, 2017   #2
Please find below the sentence construction which can be useful:

... for the public ...

Overall it's a good read, however I feel the reasons could have been explained in detail instead of just giving a one liner reason.

The first reason mentioned could have been explained in detail by giving proper justification before jumping to the second point.

Hope this helps!!!
cuban27 4 / 9 2  
Nov 13, 2017   #3
This essay looks quite good from my point of view, as I am not a professional writer, just another IELTS candidate like you. I will advise you something I read on an IELTS book, rather than firstly, secondly...just write first, second, it is the same and the last ones look better for IELTS essays. and just for adding something else, instead of "for example" use "for instance, such as" both look better than "for example" it is way too used already in IELTS essays. Good luck with your test, you look like a good prospect for high band scores!
OP macbz 2 / 4  
Nov 13, 2017   #4
thank you all for the feedback!!! :)
pier 11 / 37 9  
Nov 13, 2017   #5
Hi Kay. Maybe it is better to split your second paragraph into two and then provide a single reason in each with enough details.

suffering from traffic congestion
tothat argue...
In my opinion, I disagree ...
is not the betterbest idea

Rather than ... take public transportation instead of personal vehicles.[Add example]. Moreover, .....
Perhaps the government could, even more, In addition government could ...

widening roads

Hope these are helpful.
OP macbz 2 / 4  
Nov 13, 2017   #6
@pier
appreciate the suggestion! Will take note.

@TJLuschen
Hi TJ,
Thanks so much for the corrections.
Yes, I was trying to use another word instead of society. I should use 'society' here directly, right?
TJLuschen - / 241 203  
Nov 13, 2017   #7
@macbz

Yes, "civic" is generally an adjective. "Civics" is the study of government and how it relates to society. So you can say "society", "the citizenry", among others.
Holt [Contributor] - / 9,025 2715  
Nov 14, 2017   #8
Kay, you did not paraphrase the original prompt enough for it to not be considered a plagiarism or cut and paste of the source material. You have not fully utilized the opening paraphrase in order to impress the reviewer with your English comprehension and vocabulary skills. While you did use keywords to indicate an understanding of the prompt, using synonyms in its place would have delivered a better score for your TA section. For example:

Urban developments are currently facing a traffic bottleneck. This situation has caused people to consider road widening projects in order to resolve the problem. I tend to disagree with this point of view. In this essay, I will justify my disagreement while presenting a possible quick fix to the situation.

Your opening paraphrase is the the most critical of your scoring considerations because that is the portion where all your English skills first come into play for consideration. Simple doing "good enough" rather than trying to "accomplish more" in terms of scoring isn't going to cut it. You have to show off at the very beginning in order to get the highest possible TA score that will catapult the rest of the scoring considerations as well.

All of your discussion paragraphs are under developed because you only present ideas but do not discuss them thoroughly in order to prove your point. You need not present many reasons per paragraph. That is not what interests the examiner. What interests him is how well you can explain one train of thought in English. How effectively can you express yourself in the English language? That is why the rule of thumb is one reason per paragraph, supported by 2 or 3 evidence based sentences. The current presentation you have will lower your C&C and GRA scores.

Your LR scores will also be affected because you are not using enough intermediate to advanced English words that would tell the examiner that you have the ability to develop well written paragraphs. If you had developed complex sentences by focusing on your explanations instead of your reasons, then the essay would have had a chance to gain a better LR score in relation to your GRA presentation as well.


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