Writing IELTS PART 2: MOST COUNTRIES HAVE TRADITIONAL CELBRATIONS THAT OCCUR ANNUALLY...

Most countries have traditional celebrations that occur annually.

In your opinion, what benefits do these celebrations have for societies?

Tradition is a belief, behavior, and custom inherited from the past, which either has symbolic meanings or significant importance to society. Therefore, a great deal of traditional events is celebrated annually around the globe. However, the more modern our world becomes, the more these special festivals degenerated. This problem can obliterate the many benefits traditional celebrations have brought about to one's society.

Celebrations of culture provide individuals a sense of identity. They not only answer the question of citizens' origins but they also remind citizens of what or who have shaped their lives. The people in my country, Vietnam, for instance, take great importance in celebrating the Hung King Temple festival. In this special event, everyone will commemorate Hung Kings-the founder of the Vietnam nation and after that, getting involved in a diversity of folk games such as bamboo swing, rice cooking competitions, or lion dance. Vietnamese people are reminded that owing to Hung Kings' efforts and labors, they are able to lead a well-of life in this day and age.

Another sizeable value of cultural celebrations is that they educate us on things like freedom and benevolence, and help us pass on our cultural or religious history. In this aspect, Vietnamese people have Giong Festival, which is to commemorate Saint Giong, one of the four Vietnamese immortals. This event helps us remember the heroin battle of Saint Giong and his people, Van Lang, against foreign enemies in order to protect Vietnamese's freedom and rights.

To summarize, no matter how diverse traditional celebrations are, they all serve the same purpose: being the underpinning of one's society. Thus, disregarding them can bring about severe problems and disadvantages.

Thanks for your reading and opinions in advance

There was no need to define traditions at the start of this essay. It actually did not help your presentation because you added information rather than simply restating the original topic and discussion points. The first paragraph for this essay should have only covered:

Sentence 1: Restated topic (in your own words using synonyms)
Sentence 2: Reason for the discussion
Sentence 3: Your opinion indicating the benefits of traditions for societies

The original prompt always tells you how many sentences to write. Count the representations. In this case, the original prompt shows:
- Topic (traditions)
- Reference ( occurs annually)
- Discussion ( opinion about benefits)

As I showed you above, you have to outline the discussion first. Analyze how the discussion should be presented per paragraph before you start typing. Outlining and drafting the content are very important to the TA scoring section.

You did a very good job in the discussion presentation. Each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, reason, example, and supporting statements. All of which helped to create a properly developed paragraph. You should score well in the C&C section because of the efficiency of your discussion.

In the conclusion. You should not have changed the discussion instruction from the original presentation. By saying there can be severe problems and disadvantages, you are not properly representing the reverse paraphrase. You need to simply restate the discussion points from the original prompt and your opinion presentation to complete the concluding presentation. The problems with your introduction and conclusion will work together to lower your TA score. So your final score may not be as high as it can be because the TA score will start off at a lower score than previously expected.