Cause of educated unemployed and Solution
In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment. What factors may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, can/should be done about it?
Why do many smart people become jobless?
In almost all parts of the world, the number of qualified graduates increases significantly, but many of them have no jobs yet. Personally, this shows an indication of slowing economic growth, so the best way to overcome this problem is the government should attract more investors to start up businesses in the country.
The growing numbers of certified graduates who do not have works depict low prosperity, especially in the country's economy. If a country faces this situation, it will impact on the availability of employment. For example, according to a daily newspaper, Indonesia has around 700,000 graduations that still struggle to find jobs since the economic growth does not achieve the target due to lack of investment from other countries. This demonstrates how economic growth contributes to the unemployment of highly qualified scholars.
However, this does not mean that it cannot be tackled. The best step that should be done by the authority to reduce unemployment is by inviting many new shareholders from abroad to open multinational companies in its own state. For instance, Dubai, the largest and most populous city in the United Arab Emirates, has succeeded in making international investors invest their money, so it causes an economic improvement in this country. By that, Dubai had constructed and attracted world attention through large construction projects and sports events, in particular, the world's tallest building, the Burj Khalifa. This leads to a decrease in the number of many highly qualified graduates without employment.
To sum up, even though many people who have graduated from tertiary are still jobless, I believe that the government ought to cooperate with other investors from overseas to develop economic growth.Try to separate your sentence structures more.Simplifyyour structure to make it easier for the readers to comprehend. This can also be a good technique to avoid mistakes in terms of structure.
For instance, I would phrase your introductory sentence as:
In most parts of the world, the number of qualified graduates have increased. However, many do not have jobs.
What I had done is simplified the language (almost all = most) and separated your thoughts into two sentences to make it easier on the eyes. Apply this technique to the rest of your essay.
I would also recommend that you look into reducing your usage of redundant language.What I mean by this is that if you can avoid similar words founded in the same sentence, you should do so because it'll make your essay flow better.
Let's look at your third paragraph. I would revise the third sentence as:
The best step to be done by authorities to reduce unemployment is to invite shareholders from abroad to open multinational companies in different states. For instance, in the largest and most populous city in the United Arab Emirates, Dubai, international investment has caused a massive economic improvement in the country.
You do not need to make mention here that investors would invest because it is a given. Eliminating these small details can optimize your essay. If you continuously do this, you can utilize the space you have for your essay better.
Best of luck.
Depends on the problem statement, it requires to illustrate the cause and solution from thus phenomenon.
You may consider to re-structure your article with "single" topic in each paragraph, for an example, 2nd paragraph talk about reason and 3rd paragraph talk about solution.
Appreciate to adopt fact and date as your example. Good approach.
