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IELTS WRITING PART 2: the importance economic progress for a country

andrepr1 2 / 3  
Mar 2, 2023   #1
Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Over the past few years, the debate over prioritizing economic growth in many countries has started. It is often argued that economic progress is the most crucial item on the agendas of some governments. However, others dispute this and believe it is important to consider other types of progress as the primary foundation for a country. In this essay, both views on this subject will be explained, and some examples will be pointed out.

To begin with, many governments regard economic progress as their main priority as acceptable for several reasons. If a country's economic grows, business ventures may expand, and the government can be able to collect more funds through taxes. This fund can be used to other developments, such as education. In terms of how economic context affects education, a few countries have demonstrated that economic growth supports educational quality significantly. In recent years, Indonesia, for example, has allocated a sizable budget for high school and college scholarships. As a result, the policy has benefited many students from low-income families.

On the other hand, some people think that when it comes to the country's goals, the government should consider other types of progress rather than just economic development. Another progress that takes into consideration is the unemployment rate. Indeed, this context is critical for a certain demographic of society because the more people who have income and become self-sufficient, the more prosperous a country will be. Some policies must be implemented in order to improve welfare. Of course, these initiatives need to be effective, assuming that the government can spend more money to reduce the unemployment rate.

To conclude, I believe that the best way forward is to consider economic progress alongside other types of progress. Focusing on the economic aspect may encourage the government from implying benefits and setting more budget for other progress such as education and unemployment rate, and in return, these circumstances might support the country's development.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 13,744 4514  
Mar 2, 2023   #2
You must familiarize yourself with the different prompt requirements. You are prone to not writing the essay based on the given prompt instructions. In this essay, you failed to complete the prompt restatement with your personal opinion presentation. It is not important to tell the examiner what the discussion instructions are, it is important to show him that you understood the instructions by providing not only the prompt restatement, but also your quick response to the questions provided. Failure to do so will always result in a lower or failing preliminary task presentation score.

The response you provided in this essay lacks in proper discussion development due to the lack of proper third person pronoun usage. That is important since it will help differentiate between the public opinion being explained and your personal opinion. This essay will definitely receive a failing score because you do not present your opinion explanation until the conclusion. Since opinion discussions cannot be presented in the conclusion, the essay will be considered lacking a proper summary conclusion and receive a failing score.
rakeshkukkar013 2 / 3  
Mar 2, 2023   #3
Although I believe that rest of the essay is fine, there are some serious issues with your body paragraphs. I'm not an expert but here's what I thought of your essay:

1. Improper word choice......If a country's economic economy grows, business ventures may will expand......Another progress that needs to betakes taken into consideration is the unemployment rate providing employment opportunities

2. There are also several grammar mistakes......This fund These funds can be used to...
3. Your ideas are not completely developed for both paragraphs.

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