IELTS Writing Part 2: People are tending to purchasing stuff from online marketplaces

Buying things on the Internet

Write about the following topic.
Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular.
Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
You should write at least 250 words.

Essay:
Nowadays, people are tending to purchasing stuff, for example, electronic devices, clothes and accessories, from online marketplaces. In my opinion, the merits outweigh the drawbacks.

There are some considerable benefits to ordering products from shopping websites. For customers themselves they can easily access to a wide range of goods on online market platform. Furthermore, buyers can make comparisons of price, quality and customer services between similar products of many shops without driving to the stores one-by-one. Instead of that, they find it easier to scroll and switch tabs to find out which is the best for them. Another thing to concern is that online merchants do not have to pay the business premises rent (except for warehouse to store); as a result, the price of their products will be cut down and customers will find cheaper things on the Internet.

However, there are some potential drawbacks to shopping online. One of them is risk of getting lower quality products than shops' descriptions. This is because just can judge the stuff they want through edited photos and catchy advertisements. Therefore, online marketplaces are the golden opportunities for fraud and scammers.

In conclusion, online shopping can bring convenience to costumers, also it can ease the financial problems of both buyers and sellers. However, scams are the risks that customers should avoid from. In this situation, this can be dealt when seller platforms give a lot methods for buyers, such as shop rating, review boxes, refund-guaranteed products and whatnots. Therefore, in my viewpoint the merits surpass the demerits.

I am not master in writing, but I can see some points in your essay:

The first thing I can see is your not balance layout. For example, your conclusion is longer than your body 2. This problem will make people know you don't have many ideas in your drawbacks opinion

The second thing is your simple introduction with some mistakes. You wrote "for example" in the middle of the sentence, while it should be at the begining of the new sentence to show a detail example. In your case, you should write "such as" to list some information after that. Besides, What the merit is, what the drawback is, you should mention it generally

Being a single opinion essay, you need to ensure that you provide a defense only for the side that you support. You do that by using the The topic sentences for each paragraph to show the strength of your argument. For example, you can approach the essay with the following discussion:

Most people view online shopping as a convenient replacement for real-time shopping. However, hazards for this type of shopping prove to be one of the biggest disadvantages of online purchasing. There was this one time when I purchased a usb through online shopping and...

My cousin also purchased a dress online and the size was wrong...

You have to make sure that the reviewer knows that you are basing the disadvantage on something you experienced because that is what the essay instructed. It says you have to base the reasons on personal experience and other knowledge. So, in no particular order, the reasons should be one first person pronoun paragraph, then a second person pronoun paragraph. You don't have to worry about information accuracy. You are not going to be scored on that. You can lie about the information if you want to. It is more important to use the pronouns implied in the essay for the GRA scoring considerations.

@Smile12_12
@Holt
Thanks for your feedbacks. Actually, this is the third time I write a Writing Task 2, so your comments are so invaluable. Hope next time I pose another essay here, I will see both of you again.

I really appreciate.