Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5


IELTS writing part 1. Popularuty of on-line purchases in different countries.


LenaKuzn 1 / 2  
Aug 26, 2014   #1
The charts provide information about various ways of buying tickets to different recreational facilities in Australia,UK and Malaysia and the percentage breakdown of the age groups, preferring to buy tickets on-line in each of the above countries.

It's evident that the overwhelming majority of the concerned in all three countries chose to buy tickets from Desktop computer. Just under 60% in Australia and slightly above this number in both UK and Malaysia.

Laptop as a means of purchase was chosen by around 30% of UK residents and appeared to be a bit more popular in Australia and Malaysia with roughly 42% and 45% respectively.

Finally, Mobile phones turned out to be the least common means of access with the figures varying from around 22% to 32% in all three countries.
As regards the age of people who were buying tickets on-line in 2006, it's clear that the young outnumbered older generation in Australia and UK (55% versus 45% and 55% versus 40% respectively). However in Malaysia the trend was quite reverse. People aged 65+ tent to buy on-line a bit more that those, aged 25-44.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Aug 26, 2014   #2
You should have uploaded the carts for us to provide you with more relevant and meaningful feedbacks on your writing. Use the "Attach file(s)" feature in the Message Block for uploading the image file :)

The charts provide information about various ways of buying tickets to different recreational facilities in Australia,UK and Malaysia and the percentage breakdown of the age groups, preferring to buy tickets on-line in each of the above countries.
It's evident that the overwhelming majority of the concerned in all three countries chose to buy tickets from Desktop computer. Just under 60% in Australia and slightly above this number in both UK and Malaysia.

Well, in between the intro and the next para, insert an Overview which describes the main trends of the charts. The overview should be very brief and should not contain details such as percentages or other data. Then move into body paras to discuss more details of what your charts present. There you need to present comparisons.
OP LenaKuzn 1 / 2  
Aug 26, 2014   #3
Please see the task enclosed



dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Aug 26, 2014   #4
Ok, according to the charts you uploaded, this is my suggestion for your Overview;
Overall, the trends show that the young people in the UK and Australia were more inclined to purchase tickets online than older people. However, in Malaysia the older people had outnumbered the young in online ticket purchases. Further, Desktop computer had been the most used device for online purchases in all three countries.

As regards the age of people who were buying tickets on-line in 2006, it's clear that the young outnumbered older generation in Australia and UK (55% versus 45% and 55% versus 40% respectively)

Try to avoid presenting information within brackets for this task.
OP LenaKuzn 1 / 2  
Aug 26, 2014   #5
Thank you for the feedback! Will work on that!


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS writing part 1. Popularuty of on-line purchases in different countries.
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳