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IELTS Writing Part II: Essay about the positive and negative development of tourism in some country

vietcti 2 / 5  
Jun 19, 2019   #1

Booming Global Travel And Tourism

Many developing countries are currently expanding their tourist industries. Why is this the case? Is it a positive or negative development?

The recent years witness an increase of the number of the third countries enlarging the tourism industries. It is happened because of some inevitable purposes and brung a ton of benefits toward those territories.

To begin with, there are some reasons for this phenomena. First of all, developing tourism industries is one of the easest way to improve promptly and directly their countries' economics. As this business does not require the high-level skills workers, therefore, it does not take much time to do the training, as the result, we might start to run the property when all the facilities are done. Secondly, most of those countries already have had the suitable resources for growing tourism. For instance, in Vietnam, there are several untouched coasts with white sand beaches and blue sea as long as the presence of many historical sights which have lasted along with its long history.

Tourism will definitely carry a number of advantages if we know how to do the planning. The development of toursim will enhance the other industries in the local area which can range from construction (with building the hotels) to manufacture (with making souvenir or furniture and food). In addition, It will decline the unemployment rate as providing many vacancies to the tourism sights. When finished of constructing, each hotel needs at least hundreds employees to function and maybe more during high-seasons.

In conclusion, tourist industries seems like a shortcut to the third-world countries to develop and improve the qualities of the habitants. It brings a lot of benefits when the authorities know how to control its impacts on cutures.

Jipsa Jadwani 3 / 4 4  
Jun 19, 2019   #2
The recent years has witnessed an increase of in the number ... tourism industries. It is happened happening because ... purposesreasons and brungbrings a ton of ...

Can be rewritten as
There has been a drastic growth in tourism in developing nations for several reasons and this growth has many beneficial effects on the host countries.

First of all Firstly, ... the easest easiest way ...

Your essay lack proper structure. In BP1 where you mentioned that this business doesn't require any skilled worker is somewhat wrong.
This field does require bi-lingual or multilingual staff.

"we might start to run the property when all the facilities are done."
What property are you talking about...what facilities are done?

"For instance, in Vietnam, there are several untouched ..." Not a relevant example.
Maria - / 1,099 389  
Jun 19, 2019   #3

Welcome to the forum! Let me provide you with a formal substantial feedback on your essay.

First and foremost, there were instances wherein you were wasting the space you had in your essay through articulating your thoughts in a broader and baffling manner. Focus more on having specifics in your writing, ensuring that you are able to retell the story in a more concise manner. Doing this will leave you more room to expound and prioritize your sentiments.

That being said, I find that the technical aspect of your writing is sufficient in relaying the information that you wish to incorporate into your text. I would only recommend that you try to trim down the length of some of your sentences. It would help to mix together the dynamism of your lengths, creating more creativity and innovative ideas for your essay.

Be cautious of the structure of your essay. Having these small mistakes can negatively impact the overall flow, considering that you would need to balance it out with depth.

Best of luck as always!
OP vietcti 2 / 5  
Jun 20, 2019   #4
@Maria thank you so much Maria! i will try my best to have a better writing essay.

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