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TASK PART 1 - THE PROCESS OF PRECIPITATION


NinaJoesuf25 36 / 66 4  
Nov 21, 2016   #1
The diagram illustrates the process of precipitation happened the surface of the earth and the topsoil. Overall, it is important to bear in mind that the cycle of rainfall needs several steps before storing in the sea.

To begin with, because of the sun, the water in the sea, lakes and rivers evaporates and rises into the air, called water vapor. When it comes to the sky, the wind blows water vapor cools with turning back into clouds. Subsequently, the wind carries out the cloud to the higher hallway. As a result, the water on the cloud droplet with combining increasingly large granules after several times.

After the water drops into the earth, most the water is absorbed by the soil in the layer of the earth. More broadly, the water turns into sea through river, lakes and seas. For all intents and purposes, the water stored in the sea and it is ready to evaporate again.




ichanpants89 [Contributor] 16 / 777 309  
Nov 21, 2016   #2
Hello Nina, glad to read your essay again. I found that you are able to keep up your effort especially in the Task Achievement part because all the important information of the diagram are successfully written. This is good for you because some may find it difficult to maintain their achievement when they get a different data to be presented. Still, I think you need to work harder on the lexical resource.

Firstly, as I already commented previously, uses a sufficient range of vocabulary can help you to elevate your score. In the above essay, I think you can replace the word "water" and "vapor" with the pronoun "it" if this possible to avoid overusing these words. Also, you can re-arrange the sentence structure to have more variation of sentence's structure in your writing and this can be one of the examiner's consideration to give you a good score in this task. However, you need be careful on using varied sentence structures. Good luck with your practice!
Holt - / 7,527 2001  
Nov 21, 2016   #3
Nina, your summary paragraph is a bit confusing. The first sentence lacks a cohesive presentation in order to create kind of understanding that the reader hopes to gain by reading your opening summary. The rest of the paragraphs though, have actually delivered the required information in a diagram summary. I will admit that your essay has a big problem in the grammar accuracy and lexical resource portion. However, the problem is not as severe as others in the sense that, with some concentration and repeated reading, the reader will eventually understand what you are trying to say. It is nice to see that you have the ability to turn in cohesive paragraphs which have a logical discussion thread. You will definitely get good points for that.
justivy03 - / 2,367 607  
Nov 21, 2016   #4
Hi Nina, now you were able to add the diagram and this will ease the process of revision for your analysis essay and I have a few suggestions below;

- happenedhappening in the surface of the earth
- and theits topsoil.
- Overall, it is important to bear in mindnote that the
- needsgoes through several steps before
- storing inmaking it to the sea.

- To begin with, because ofwith the sun,
- into the air,it's called water vapor.
- When it comes to the sky, the wind blows the water vapor - it then cools with turningand turns back into clouds.
- As a result, the water on theturns into cloud droplet - with combining increasingly large granules after severalover times .

There you have it Nina, I hope the above remarks are helpful to your revision and I left the last paragraph for you to practice your proof reading and editing skills.


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