Part-Time job interview. Beginner level

interview for getting a job - with an employer's representative

I'm 28 years old and I'm Kim Yoon-na.
I am Chinese and have worked in Korea for 4 years after graduating from university in China.
As I liked fashion and was interested in it, I operated a clothing store since I went to college and I have been doing online marketing at Kolon Fashion Company in Korea since I graduated.After a year and a half, I had a chance to teach Chinese for a year and then go back to Shanghai, China.I have been an interpreter since I was in college, and based on my experience, I have translated business in Shanghai for various consultation meetings, exhibition, and business.However, I applied to your company because I wanted to build professional knowledge and become a master in one field.First of all, I have translated a lot into cooperation between Korean and Chinese companies, and I have received many contracts.I want to be an employee who helps the company by melting these experiences into the company and managing the company's suppliers well.

@syeekk
Hello, welcome here! I hope that this small feedback will somewhat enlighten you with your writing.

Firstly, from the get-go, you need to work on structure. This includes the usage of punctuation, spacing, pauses, and other effects that will improve how concrete your writing appears to be. If you can have a more designated approach towards the work itself, it will truly help.

When you're trying to expound on specific thoughts, I do heavily suggest that you try to incorporate some form of extravagance into your writing. For instance, the first sentence (of the first paragraph) does not immediately hook the readers because it lacks passion in the wording itself. Try to add more flair to your writing to hopefully help you in this endeavor.