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TOEFL: the part-time job can let students experience the real adult life and know more about it


DearbhailS 6 / 10 2  
Aug 18, 2014   #1
Q: Agree or disagree: one of the best ways that parents can help their teenage children prepare for adult life is to encourage them to take a part-time job.

Nowadays, the difference between school and society is bigger and bigger. If students want to get used to the society quickly, it is better for parents to encourage them to take part-time jobs. There are some reasons can support my view.

First, there are a few opportunities for students to know how to live adult life in the university. Because most people they contact with are also students. However, when students do part-time jobs, they can work with many kinds of people, and most of whom are adults. So, they can teach students many things about adult life. My friend Lisa, who is doing part-time job now, tells me that it is fabulous to take it. Through part-time job, she makes friends with different kinds of people and they let her know the different aspects of adult life. For example, Lisa thought in adult life, work is the core; but after she knows these friends, she changes her mind that the true core for the adult life is responsibility but not work. Hence, thanks to the information her new friends has provided; now she is more confidence about her future adult life.

Second, parents always tell students that the adult life is much tenser than school life. However, because we do not experience it, it is very difficult for us to really know how tense the adult life can be. Therefore, we need part-time job to teach us how hard the real adult life can be. Actually, some questionnaires indicate that if students have taken part-time jobs, they will make the best use of their time to prepare their future and more importantly; they will not expect too much for their future than students who have not taken the part-time job. Therefore, the part-time job can make people understand future life better.

Third, some parents are afraid that the part-time job will effect student' study. Actually, most students will do the part-time job in their holiday, so it will not effect on their study. Compared with playing computers every day, doing part-time jobs is the best choice for students to spend their holiday.

In conclusion, taking the part-time job can let students experience the real adult life and know more about it. Therefore, parents should encourage students to take the part-time job.

marger 2 / 2  
Aug 18, 2014   #2
good
but you use adult life in your essay a lot, don't repeat one phrase or word a lot, you can mention, during this time, among this situation, or...

some of your sentences are a little confusing, for example second paragraph... try to rewrite in better ways..
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Aug 20, 2014   #3
Nowadays, the difference between school and society is bigger and bigger.

I don't think this is a very good start ... The first sentence of your introduction, ideally a good hook, should be relevant to your topic. This does not contribute to a meaningful entrance to your essay :(

If students want to get used to the society quickly, it is better for parents to encourage them to take part-time jobs

I guess this is what you are trying to say;
If the students need to face societal challenges better, then they should engage in part-time jobs while studying.
The main issue that I find with your writing is the flow of ideas. You need to organize the flow more logically for the reader to find it interesting.


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