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Toefl essay: part time job for teenage students


jon_snow 8 / 28 5  
Mar 10, 2014   #1
Question: In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details.

Answer:

When we talk about student, we generally mean a boy or a girl who study in school or college. In some country, teenage students have the opportunity to do some part time job beside their study. However, some people do not support the concept of teenagers doing job beside study. In my view, it is good for a teenager to do a part time job while he/she is still a student and this is for two reasons.

The main reason is that students can learn lots of things from part time job, before starting their real job. Students can learn about time management, money management and convince people by their words. For example, when I was in my high school I worked as a sales-man in a shop for a year. As i had to spend some of my time in my job, therefore, i had to manage my time efficiently. I had to manage my boss as well as had to prepare my homework. This taught me how to manage time efficiently and do any job quickly and effectively. Moreover, I learn money management. When my boss was out of the shop, i had to manage the accounts section of the shop. From this i learned, how to manage money correctly. This experience taught me, doing part time job can help students to learn many things.

Another reason is that from part time jobs students can earn money, which can help their parents. For instance, when i was in high school I worked as a home tutor. I taught math to two kids of my neighbor. I helped them to understand the difficult topics of the books. By tutoring them, i earned some money and bought me books with it. Moreover, after taking that part time job i stopped taking my pocket money form my parents. As you can see, part time job can help students earn money and which can help their parents financially.

In sum, I am sure; some people will oppose the idea of part time job for students. They will argue, it can destruct students from their study. However, as i did part time job in my high school and it did not hurt my academic result; therefore, i believe part time job will be good for students. Every Student should do part time job beside their study if they want to prepare more efficiently for their future.
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Mar 10, 2014   #2
When we talk about student, we generally mean a boy or a girl who study in school or college.

This is not a strong hook. This is a too obvious fact and therefore not so interesting as an idea. Your hook should grab the reader's attention towards your writing and it is the one helps teh reader to make his first impression about your writing. So you've got to be more careful with the hook.

However, some people do not support the concept of teenagers doing job beside study.

Your prompt actually do not talk about other people's view on this issue. It asks about your view point on that. You need to align your writing more with the prompt.
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Mar 10, 2014   #3
The main reason is that students can learn lots of things from part time job, before starting their real job.

The main advantage of part time jobs is that students can gain exposure in a working environment that help them learn valuable life skills that are necessary for their future careers.

Students can learn about time management, money management and convince people by their words

... time management, communication skills, managing finances - all these are important life skills that one need to be successful in adult life.
You write very well :)
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Mar 11, 2014   #4
Another reason is that from part time jobs students can earn money, which can help their parents

Another reason is that part time jobs help students ease off their parents' burden to some extent.

For instance, when iI was in high school I worked as a home tutorgave private tuition.I taught math toto the two kids of my neighbor.

You write very well :)
hakuyo1112 6 / 9  
Mar 11, 2014   #5
When we talk about student, we generally mean a boy or a girl who study in school or college. - i don't think this sentence is necessary.

Also, you keep repeating when i was in high school. it makes you sound like you have limited vocabulary so instead of this you could say

as a high school student who used to work in....
Good Luck


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