Unanswered [9] | Urgent [0]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

Participation in cultural activities in Scotland

chinharu 1 / -  
Feb 4, 2021   #1

cultural activities THAT THE SCOTTISH ARE LOVING

The table compares the participation of adult Scots in six different cultural activities from three main age groups and the data is given in percentages.

It can be seen that the most favorite activity for young adults (16-24) and older individuals (25-44) was performance including singing, dancing, playing music and acting with 35% and 22%, respectively. Meanwhile, those people aged 45 to 74 were likely to be most attracted by crafts, 22% out of the total, two times the corresponding figure in the youngest group. Moreover, the biggest difference was observed in the categories of visual arts and writing, where attendance for the 16-25 age group was nearly two to three times greater than the older ones.

On an average scale, performance and crafts reached the highest rates of participation at all ages, at 22% and 19%, by turn, while writing and computer-based activities stayed as the least common choice

Overall, the level of participation in cultural activities was relatively dependent on people's ages.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,301 3341  
Feb 5, 2021   #2
I cannot properly asses the validity and task appropriateness of your writing without the image to compare it to. Kindly remember to upload the image next time to get a more comprehensive review and assessment of your work from me. All I can provide now are general reviews since there is no image to compare your statements by.

You have started off the presentation summary with a run on sentences. There are 3 different sets of information that you are providing. These are the type of image, the content of the image, and the measurement types. For clarity purposes (C&C) , each of these information should have been provided as individual sentences. The individual sentences would have helped the reader gain a better understanding of the information as you will have allowed a pause between information presentations for the reader to actually understand what is going on rather delivering a continuous reading that ends up confusing the reader.

The run-on sentences seem to be the basic problem of your presentation. It exists in every paragraph, leaving you with a lower than expected GRA and C&C score overall. Remember, your explanations need to be clear and you have to show a range of punctuation and grammar presentation skills to get a good score in these sections. You failed to accomplish that in this presentation.

Home / Writing Feedback / Participation in cultural activities in Scotland