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IELTS Task 1: Participation in Extreme Sports_Table


April April 13 / 148 22  
Jul 21, 2012   #1
The table below gives information about the participation of 11-14 year-olds by gender in extreme sports in the UK in 2003.
The table compares information about the involvement of boys and girls aged 11 to 14 in five extreme sports in the UK in 2003.

Generally, males outnumbered females in most sports except for rollerblading. According to this, the number of boys who participated in skateboarding was the largest of all with 27.5%, which was almost two times higher than that of girls (13.8%). Similarly, regarding snowboarding, the proportion of male participants was about twice as much as their female counterparts, with 8.1% and 4.0& respectively. Among mountain biking participants, 22.7% were boys and this was 9.4% more than girls. Lastly, there was a slight difference between male and female involvement in mountain climbing, with 10.6% of males comparing to 9.3% of females.

With respect to rollerblading, female participants outnumbered males by 10%, as girls accounted for 31.7% while boys constituted 21.7% making it the only exception out of the five extreme sports.

Current word count is 152. I don't know how to make it longer.
Please give me some feedback. Any comments are appreciated!

ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Jul 21, 2012   #2
The table compares information about the involvement of boys and girls aged 11 to 14 in five extreme sports in the UK in 2003.

at the end of the introduction add a GENERAL TREND. U wrote it in the body where is not a good place for expressing the general trend.

I think you should rearrange the information of the body. U reported almost all the data just in one paragraph. U could classify the sports as three main parts, 1) snowboarding and skateboarding, 2) mountain biking; 3) rollerblading.

For increasing the number of words you could use some transitional phrases at the beginning of each paragraph. For example :"the chart/table... is also indicative of the fact that..." (9words), "The second significant point is that ..." (6 words).

I know you do not like to write a conclusion at the end, but this is an option for extending your essay.

Why do you want to increase the number of words? "152 words" is OK.
OP April April 13 / 148 22  
Jul 21, 2012   #3
I'll fix the general trend.

write a conclusion at the end

=> right, I forgot to ask in the first post. I was thinking of writing a conclusion but didn't know what to write. Could you give a suggestion?

Thank you for the suggestions for the outline and the transitional phrases. I've never thought of that and will definitely consider using them.

Oh and was there repitition or any awkward expressions?
ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Jul 21, 2012   #4
I was thinking of writing a conclusion but didn't know what to write. Could you give a suggestion?

Well, look at the data. In all the extreme sports a higher percentage of males participate in extreme sports. Did you think why?? The answer is :"because of physical state of men and women". So, u can write a conclusion like this :"Overall, as men are physically stronger than women, they showed higher tendency to participate in high-risk sports based on the results stated above. "
OP April April 13 / 148 22  
Jul 22, 2012   #5
Okay thank you Ahmad! I'll try to write one on my own.


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