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toefl writing task 2, Many parts of the world are losing important natural resources


tevezmahmoud 1 / 1  
Nov 12, 2013   #1
Many parts of the world are losing important natural resources, such
as forests, animals, or clean water. Choose one resource that is
disappearing and explain why it needs to be saved. Use specific
reasons and examples to support your opinion.
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in a time of great strides in technology and medicine the simple person will certainly enjoy the abundance in the products and the easy life that our era rejoiced.

although those strides are beneficial to us.the behemoth of a production and consumption had caused the lost of some important natural resources. namely clean water .

which i believe is the more critical to our survival.

firstly . the shortage in clean water will certainly led us to a major detrimental scenarios .such as no water to drink .no meaning to tilling the land and plow it.which

this will led us to some nightmares .for instance the famine in AFRICA is largely due to a shortage in clean water .were the odds of dying by dehydration is

highly possible thus a more death rate amongst the infant and elderly .

secondly as we dwell in the realm of constant gluttony in resources clean watter will radically alter to a new rare metal or it will be compared to

oil which will sadly creates some grotesque hurdles to the endeavour of our societies and economies .this will certainly stem some ramification .to better
encapsulate this situation .some countries for instance NIGER . MALI are suffering form drought since the nineties .which has some pernicious effects on
the countries s capital .thus a hard time to recover due to a modicum population and water resources .

finally . we ought to be keenly aware of the acute situation it s not a joke the task to provide water for the world s population .especially that the increase in the production

and the world population is making it extremely hard .the neat person is always afraid that humanity may fall in a bottomless hole .we must do our utmost

to impede it .

Altaa 11 / 22  
Nov 14, 2013   #2
I think no such usage "" the simple person - just the person
Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Nov 14, 2013   #3
I find it's very difficult to follow your essay. It looks very untidy with sentences starting with simple letters. If you expect us to go through your essay and provide you with meaningful comments you should present your essay in a more readable manner. Also it is difficult to identify the paragraphs separately too.

in a time of great strides in technology and medicine the simple person will certainly enjoy the abundance in the products and the easy life that our era rejoiced.

This is your hook, but it lacks enough clarity. The most important thing in writing is clarity of ideas.
Hope you re-post this essay with a more neat and tidy look !
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Nov 16, 2013   #4
yes, it is very important that you present your essay clearly and an interesting way for the others to read. This looks really messy.

In the introduction, you do not mention anything about the disappearing of the resource you chose (in this case it is water) and why it needs to be saved. You always need to keep a proper alignment with your topic.
OP tevezmahmoud 1 / 1  
Nov 20, 2013   #5
Your replies and suggestions are all very precious for me. I will keep theme in mind.


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