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Many parts of the world are losing important natural resourses


gio_adam 1 / 1  
Jan 6, 2013   #1
The topic is : Many parts of the world are losing important natural resources, such as forests, animal and clean water. Choose one resource that is disappearing and explain why it need to bed saved.

Please revise my essay I have a TOEFL test in one week and I want to improve at maximum my writing skills.

We live in materialistic society and are trained from our childhood to be acquisitive. Furthermore the most basic purpose of mankind was always to earn a major amount of money. We all just out to gain wealth from any alternative source. Its doubtless that every humans desire is to burn the candle from the both ends till the end of their life. People are light-hearted and lukewarm, as they don't care about the nature. I take leave to say that the most part of people on our planet just don't have a conscience. Just a minority, a superior people are concerned about the fact that many species of animals become extinct, or are in danger to disappear.

According to the numbers million whales have died out during the past two centuries. In my point of view by annihilating these huge marine mammals, we just destruct the food chain. Its obvious that killing whales will effect the structure and behavior of the environment in which it lived. In addition to this it is a loss to the culture and for the future generations. To make a long story short we just destroy the biodiversity of our planet.

Irrespective of these a lot of people still don't even strain their mind about the nature. Its apparent that people don't think about the future consequences. However, the results definitely will be dire if we don't encounter the people who carry on the destructing of wildlife on our planet.

Last of all I want to say that there are a lot of organizations who just try to shun the danger, but it's essential that they cant stop the people who destroy everything because of money. I am just concerned as I know that the nature will give us its due because of our ill-considered actions.

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jan 7, 2013   #2
Try and present your ideas in a simple way and don't use inappropriate key words because that may cause lots of harm to your essay. Most importantly you need to convince your arguments to the examiner and that you can do with simple writing and earn good marks. Pay attention to recommended essay structure because it is the best thing you can do for going for a good score.

We live in materialistic society and are trained from our childhood to be acquisitive.

We live in a very materialistic world in which people try to exploit natural resources. .... Always keep a good alignment with the topic. Don't deviate from it too much :)

Furthermore the most basic purpose of mankind was always to earn a major amount of money.

This does not have a meaning now because the same idea you have presented in the previous sentence.
OP gio_adam 1 / 1  
Jan 8, 2013   #3
Thanks for checking.. I really can not thank you enough.


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