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Passengers on London Underground per hour, from 6 a.m to 10 p.m. - IELTS Task 1


forsil 5  
May 12, 2018   #1

The graph shows Underground Station passenger numbers in London.



Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

My answer:

The graphs shows the number of passengers in the London Underground Station per hour, from 6 a.m to 10 p.m. It is easy to see that there is quite e great variability of passengers' flows.

During the day, there are two peak of affluency, at 8 a.m and at 6 p.m, where the number of passengers is around 400 per hour. On the opposite side, it is possible to identify the lowest levels, with only 100 passengers, at the beginning of the underground service at 6 a.m and at 4 p.m. Moreover, looking at central hours of the day, from 9 a.m to 3 p.m, the numbers of passenger fluctuates between 200 and 300. Finally in the evening, after 8 p.m, flows are stable between 100 and 150.

To sum up, the number of passengers at the London Underground Station varies, on average, during the opening hours, from 100 to 400, with some peakes related to office-hours.




Holt [Contributor] 1595  
May 20, 2018   #2
Sil, there are 2 mistakes in this essay. The first, is that Your opening and closing paragraphs are run on sentences. Always aim for the 3 sentence minimum. Try to add one paragraph as well since the Task 1 essay gets a better score with a 4 paragraph essay. The increase in paragraph number shows a better analysis of the percentage graph you were presented with. The other mistake, was that you changed the timing reference from 24 hour to 12 hour references. The 24 hour reference is what was used in the graph so, for accuracy purposes, you need to use the same time reference in your essay. Good work on presenting the low and peak hours. Though. There is a vocabulary problem present in the essay. Affluency refers to the "financial capacity" of a person or the amount of money a person has. It cannot refer to the number of people who ride the train. Remember, the LR score will be affected by the wrong use of English terminology. Words used in the wrong context, due to the word meaning will result in points deductions which will result in either a low or not passing score.
OP forsil 5  
May 21, 2018   #3
Again many thanks for your useful suggestion.@Holt

The first, is that Your opening and closing paragraphs are run on sentences. Always aim for the 3 sentence minimum. Try to add one paragraph as well since the Task 1 essay gets a better score with a 4 paragraph essay

I have found a lot of example "band 8-9" with just one/two sentence in intro and/or conclusion, do this really affect my IELTS score?

In addition, going for 4 paragraphs of 3 sentences each, will I risk to write too much words or alternatively to write too much simple sentences?

Many thanks,
S


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