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There are also passion and hobby which should be taken into consideration at work, not only money


amrillahmk31 15 / 17 2  
Feb 29, 2016   #1
Do you agree that money is the only motivation at work why people prefer working in the same company for many years?

Nowadays, money is just like something that people cannot negate in their daily lives. While this is true to some extent; however, when it comes to money is the only motivation why enormous number of people leans to stay working in the same company, I would argue that it is not the only reason. There are other causes like passion and hobby which should be taken into consideration.

Firstly, it is should be clear that the primary reason why people working is to meet their basic needs, so that people who are having secure career more likely to constantly stay in their previous profession due to it is hard to find job in this era. Despite this, there are a great deal of deliberation if people want to leave their prior occupation such as the salary and their future career path. At any rate, the most important thing is whether or not they love their jobs. Although money plays a significant role, but it will be useless if people do not like their livelihoods, and I personally believe that money cannot buy happiness.

In reverse, every person has an option which job they like the most. Some people like Mark Zuckenberg (MZ) in America and Tere Liye (TL) in Indonesia are following their passion and hobby which bring them into successful career. MZ becomes famous because his invention on facebook, whilst TL now becomes well-known writer in Indonesia because he is fond of writing since he was a child. Subsequently, both of them are success in their own ways because of following their passion and hobby.

All in all, in light of what has been mentioned before, money is not the only factor and the answer of that question is not simple; otherwise it is complicated. However, the choice is yours.

Ssakshijain 28 / 146 87  
Mar 2, 2016   #2
Hi Mifta, I did the editing part for your essay including grammar and language. However, your essay lacks the structure. At some point, you are giving reasons of not leaving jobs, then comes to reason of staying in job, then you are explaining why some people are famous and successful in their work. So, I left that part to you.

1. Write one paragraph why you agree with the prompt. (Why money is the motivation for some people?)
2. Another paragraph about why you disagree. (What other factors apart from money comes into role for some people?)
3. Third paragraph your conclusion , which one of the opinion you hold. (What you think is the best among two and why?)

Consider every paragraph as an individual essay with its own opening line, main content and then concluding line.
This is the essay structure for such kind of exams. Looking forward for your new revision.

.....However, number of people consider money as the only motivation for work. I find passion and interest equivalent to money when it comes to purpose behind work.

...
Firstly, the primary reason why peopleare .....needs. People with secure career are more likely to stay in the same job as they find it difficult to get a new job in this competitive market. Despite this, while switching to new jobs, people tend to deliberate over the factors like annual salary and future career opportunities. If the new job is not meeting their expectations, they prefer to stay in present jobs only.

Money cannot buy happiness. If employees are not satisfied with their current work, then it will be useless for them.

On the other side, every person is free to choose the work they like. Some ..............Indonesia followed their passion and interest that led them towards a successful career. MZ became famous because of his invention of Facebook whereas TL is a well known writer in ........

All in all,....yours. (That is very random line to say, your conclusion need to be as strong as your introduction. Hope my suggestions will help you:))


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