The topic was- "We must take the learnings from our past ventures to shape our future"
An advice from a tree- " Stand tall, stay grounded, and enjoy the view".
It would extremely hard to hold any high rise erect without a solid support. And our past is in a way like a cemented foundation upon which we build the future. And it is crucial that our fundamentals are infallible because it is easier to mitigate any problems or like a building with a fragile foundation will be totally obliterated.
Additionally if we are so determined to shape the future then we ought to do so gracefully. We have to respect the past for the good that it brought, and we have to carry those learnings into our future ventures. Mahatma Gandhi took 200 years to liberate India with his firm belief in Satyagraha and non violence. If compared to the Independence movement led by George Washington, it wouldn't be as decorous. However he established a philosophy which led us to believe that "pen is mightier than the sword" and was later improvised and implemented by Martin Luther King to champion the African American movement and later by Nelson Mendla to abolish apartheid in South Africa. Therefore it is crucial to make the best of what our history and ventures in the past teach us because much of what we are today is because of our mistakes in the past!
However, past is not the panacea to all the problems we face in the future. Steve Jobs's iPad is a rage with people all over; but a decade ago nobody knew what tablet was and what its potential was! Nevertheless Mr. Jobs made sure that mankind got to experience this incredible piece of scientific innovation without referring to anything of such kind to take inspiration from!
Therefore it is very evident that our past ventures are immense value. A value that can aid us in discerning the right from the wrong, the good from the evil, the ordinary from the ordinary extraordinary. It is guide to refer when we are confused of what we are supposed to do next. And it is not only necessary preserve it and treasure it but often a take step back and ruminate on it.
I would be extremely grateful if someone could rate my essay and help me improve upon it!
Hi. . .I liked your essay overall. However, I felt you started too many sentences with the word, "And". I remember past professors telling us to try not to start a sentence with the word And whenever possible. Also, I think you could use little more punctuation. For instance, when you start a sentence with However, there should be a comma after the word However. I particularly liked the closing sentences of your essay. They were very powerful. I would like to see you punctuate the sentences, which I think will make it even more powerful.
Therefore it is very evident that our past ventures are immense value. A value that can aid us in discerning the right from the wrong, the good from the evil, the ordinary from the ordinary extraordinary. It is guide to refer when we are confused of what we are supposed to do next. And it is not only necessary preserve it and treasure it but often a take step back and ruminate on it.
I would word it like this:
Therefore, it is very evident that our past ventures are of immense value. These values can aid us in discerning the right from the wrong, the good from the evil, the ordinary from the extraordinary. It is a guide to refer to when we are confused and in search of what to do next. It is not only necessary to preserve our past, but to treasure it, to learn from it, to take a step back and ruminate on it.
But like I said, overall, I liked it. It was interesting and I liked the examples you gave of historical figures. I hope this was helpful to you in some way,
Lisa
