What do you think were the advantages and disadvantages of living in a village?
In the past, most people would like to live in small house and a big garden. I think so, in my opinion, i want my life near natural. Because, I see the advantages when i live in village. The first, your life will more peaceful, enjoy clear asmosphere.
The second, your parents feel more happier when you are not only have a good job but also can take care of them. I mean, every familys also wish that when they are older day by day, their children will in close them. All of myself, I love them, if they happy i will feel warm.
The last thing, I like to grow anything by my hand, example, bonsais, vegetable garden, flowers garden which so difficult to do in the city.
Althought in the city have many thing attracts me stay again but my loves spend to family make me come back home.
it is my honor to give several suggestion for u.
this is my suggestion.
... i want my life ( it should be I WANT TO LIVE ) near natural. Because, I see the advantages (it is more effective if you wrote I REALIZE THAT IT HAS ADVANTAGES ) when i live in village. The first, your life will BE more peaceful, ...
The second, your parents feel more happierHAPPY when you are ...
I mean, every familys (FAMILIES ) also wish that (...), their children will BE in close them.
... to live in small house and aWITH big garden.
... i want my life near BY natural.
... more peaceful, enjoy clear asmosphere.FRESH AIR
The second, your parents feel more happie r HAPPY when you are not only have a good job but also can take care of themYOUR SENTENCES LIKE GOOGLE TRANLSETE DO YOU MEAN WHEN YOU HAVE GOOD JOB NOT ONLY THAT BUT ALSO YOU CAN GIVE THEM MORE ATTENTION .
I meanAVOID THIS WORD IT IS NOT ACADEMIC VOCAB CHANGE TO IN MY OPINION , every familys also wish that when they ...
1. PAY ATTENTION WITH YOUR STRUCTURE
2. MAKE A GOOD FLOW
3. DO NOT TOO SHORT MAKE A SENTENCES
GOOD JOB
ok, thank you your correction, i will try harder to write nexttime
Hello Trang. I will give you some opinions about your essay.
Introduction:
(1) There are some grammatical errors, such as "...in (a) small house and(with) a big garden ..."
(2) Maybe you should use a common situation than personal feel or think, such as'most people/ some people agree with this statement' rather than "... i want my life near natural (i want stay near natural places, such as mountain/ river) ..."
(3) "The first, your life will more peaceful, enjoy clear asmosphere". You have to make a difference paragraph between intoduction and body 1 (your first idea/ opinion/ solution) and give the reader the more reasons
Body 2:
"I mean, every familys(families) also wish that..."
Body 3:
"I like to grow(ing) anything by my hand..."
There is no conclusion for your essay. Give some repititions with different words about your opinion.
Good luck
