Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 9

The past 20 years have seen a considerable increase of international tourism.


vietcuong89ks 1 / 2  
Nov 1, 2013   #1
International tourism is now more common than ever before. Some feel that this is a positive trend while others do not. what are you opinions on this?

The past 20 years have seen a considerable increase of international tourism. There is a highly controversial issue whether its popular demand brings advantage trend or drawback trend. In my opinion, everything has two sides and this problem is not an exception.

On the one hand, it is an undeniable fact that global tourism has significant benefits, especially economy and culture. Indeed, tourism is a key element that could boost economy. When outside visitors, for example, travel to local areas, it will enhance such infrastructure as hotels, hospitals, roads, and facilities as well as make more money for host residents. In addition, thanks to international tourism, culture of host country is know-well. As a result, we could exchange a lot of beautiful cultures and become more closet, which helps relationship between nations to be more friendly.

On the other hand, global tourism can have a negative effect on the natural environment. Too many travelers living in fragile regions such as mountain range, desert have impacted on physical areas. Much attention has focused on erosion along major trails, but perhaps more important are the deforestation and impacts on water supplies arising from the need to provide tourists with cooked food and hot shower. Consequently, habitat of wild animal is threaten and main resources may be limited or vulnerable to degradation through heavy use.

By way of conclusion, I firmly believe that international tourism need be seen both tow aspect, therefore the government should find the right balance between beneficial tourism and its negative impact.

Hi everybody,
I would be very much appreciated if you can review my eassy with comments and corrections especially in terms of grammar, vocabulary etc...
I am looking forward to your feedback soon with many thanks

Pahan 1 / 1,906 553  
Nov 1, 2013   #2
On the one hand, it is an undeniable fact that global tourism has significant benefits, especially economy and culture.

... be specific about economy and culture;
On the one hand, it is an undeniable fact that global tourism has significant benefits, especially in terms of economic development and promoting cultural understanding.

When outside visitors, for example, travel to local areas, it will enhance such infrastructure as hotels, hospitals, roads, and facilities as well as make more money for host residents.

.... you need to organize this sentence better;
For example, when tourism flourishes, it creates a necessity for upgrading infrastructure such as roads, hotels etc. that would generate more employment opportunities for the local people.....actually, if you talk about economic development, you should have cited an example like, tourism brings more foreign exchange income to the host nation.
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Nov 2, 2013   #3
The past 20 years have seen a considerable increase of international tourism. There is a highly controversial issue whether its popular demand brings advantage trend or drawback trend. In my opinion, everything has two sides and this problem is not an exception.

This introduction is in line with the desired structure for the introduction for this task. However, avoid having numbers in your essay writing.

Too many travelers living in fragile regions such as mountain range, desert have impacted on physical areas. Much attention has focused on erosion along major trails, but perhaps more important are the deforestation and impacts on water supplies arising from the need to provide tourists with cooked food and hot shower.

I don't find much logical explanation here. It is very difficult to understand the reason you are trying to highlight and so does your example too. For this task, it is very important to have clarity in your sentences. You should pay more attention to that.
Shinigami97 10 / 16 1  
Nov 2, 2013   #4
everything has two sides and this problem is not an exception

=> this sentence is quite absolute. In formal writing, you should avoid using these.

Too many travelers living in fragile regions such as mountain range, desert have impacted on physical areas.

=> "too many", you'd better change it into "a great number of" ...

Hope my support will be helpful for you !
OP vietcuong89ks 1 / 2  
Nov 2, 2013   #5
Pahan and dumi: I don't find "like" button to thanks. Anyway, thank you so much, I will reorganize my essay immediately.
But I don't know why in introduction avoids having number? Please explain for me.
MisterWandering 18 / 321 130  
Nov 2, 2013   #6
living in fragile regions

I don't think "live" is the right word. Actually, travelers just "visit" or "stay" there.

has been focused on

is threaten

is threatened

need be seen both tow aspect

need to be seen from both aspects. Also, you could end this sentence here and start a new one from "Therefore".

outside visitors

know-well

well-known/widely known

I don't find "like" button to thanks

This is on the bottom right of the comment.
OP vietcuong89ks 1 / 2  
Nov 2, 2013   #7
After your comments, I rewrite this essay. Hopelessly, receive useful comments from you guys. Thank you again.

Recent years, it has seen a considerable increase of international tourism. There is a highly controversial whether its popular demand brings advantage or drawback trend. In my opinion, everything has two sides and this problem is not an exception.

On the one hand, it is an undeniable fact that international tourism has significant benefits, especially in term economic development and promoting cultural understanding. Indeed, tourism is a key element that could boost economy for the host nation. Take a good illustration, when tourism flourishes, it creates a necessary for upgrading infrastructure such as hotels, roads, means of transport, facilities, which leads to generate numerous employment opportunities for the local people. In addition, thanks to tourism, culture exchange and presenting local to the rest of world is easier. It also contributes a massive parts to bridge the gap between different cultures, as a result relationship between countries is more friendly; and people have more chance to enrich their knowledge.

On the other hand, there are some negative aspects due to tourism. Beautiful landscapes have been absorbing a great number of adventurers this will cause the environmental degradation by rubbish like plastic bottle, nylon bags, waste of foods. Furthermore, global tourism puts high pressure on such local resource as the demand of foods from travelers, the deforestation for building village. Consequently, it triggers to ecosystem imbalance as well as threaten habitat of wild animals.

By way of conclusion, I firmly believe that international tourism need to be seen from both aspects. Therefore, the government should find the right balance between beneficial tourism and its negative impact.
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Nov 3, 2013   #8
But I don't know why in introduction avoids having number? Please explain for me.

I think you have got confused with my comment. What I meant was in essays it is always good to write numbers using letters and not numeric figures. For example;

The past 20 years have seen a considerable increase of international tourism

The past twenty years have shown a considerable growth in international tourism.
Hope you are clear now :) ... Also in the right hand side at the bottom of every post by others you get the hand sign with "Like this post". Click on the hand if you wish to like a particular post. :D

For me or Pahan, it does not matter a lot because both of us do not have very many threads opened by us expecting feedbacks. But for other users they mean a lot, especially for things like closing threads, having their threads as Featured etc. :D

So, if you like a comment given to you by another person, it is good to like the post! :)
Shinigami97 10 / 16 1  
Nov 3, 2013   #9
travel to local areas

travelling to local areas

closet

it should be Closer, wrong spelling

In addition, thanks to international tourism, culture of host country is know-well

well-known

Consequently, habitat of wild animal is threaten and main resources may be limited or vulnerable to degradation through heavy use.

threatened

I basically find your common grammatical errors. Hope my support would be helpful :)


Home / Writing Feedback / The past 20 years have seen a considerable increase of international tourism.