Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

TOEFL Writing 2: In the past, young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions....


samiratiff 2 / 3  
Nov 5, 2016   #1
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
In the past, young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions for them; today young people are better able to make decisions about their own lives.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.


Over the last few decades, many things in the world have changed which have greatly impacted our lives such that our current lifestyle differs from the lifestyle of our parents in many aspects. One of the paramount aspects is independence that many people believe that today's young people are not much dependent on their parents like the past and they make important decisions by themselves. I strongly agree with this statement due to two points which I will explain in the following essay.

To begin with, in recent years, educational systems have changed a lot and try to prepare children for real life. One of the utmost important topics that children learn about in schools is independence. Children are taught how to make decisions while they consider positive and negative aspects of their decisions. The result of such training is evident in increasing the number of youngsters that choose to live alone or even immigrate to a foreign country. Certainly, parents of many of them have disagreed with their decisions due to various reasons, however, since youngsters are now more independent, they have followed their own decisions to make their dreams true.

Additionally, self-confidence is another prominent factor which makes people feel positive about themselves and take risks on their lives by making their own decisions. I am of the opinion that today's young people are more self-confident than previous due to two reasons. First, current parents have let young people make their own decisions when they were kids. For instance, all of the current young people have chosen the color of their clothes since they were teenagers or even smaller. Second, by the development of technologies, there are many resources available which help people to be aware of their surroundings. Having much information helps persons to be more self-confident and consequently be more independent. As an example, when I was about to choose my major in university I searched about different majors and listed all advantages and disadvantages of various majors, afterward, I declared my decision to my parents. Although my parents liked to see me educating in another major, they supported me and agreed with my decision.

To sum up, in my point of view, today's youngsters are more independent that youngsters were in the past which is the result of the quality of education they received as well as their high self-confidence.

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,155 2308  
Nov 6, 2016   #2
Samira, you have presented some very solid arguments in your essay that show a clear understanding of the prompt and an analysis of the possible answers in support of your position. The essay is good in the sense that you have a clear flow of thought and your discussion is based on common sense and logical reasons. There is a clear command of English even though some of your sentence structure is not as solid as it can be. The grammar mistakes are not so severe that it affects your declarations. Everything about your essay shows that you are capable of passing the TOEFL exam once you take it. However, you need to further improve your skill in writing your conclusions. It is supposed to be at least 3 sentences long at all times. You only presented one very long sentence that could have been very easily split into 3 parts. Learn how to modify your sentences or thought process in order to meet the sentence requirements.


Home / Writing Feedback / TOEFL Writing 2: In the past, young people depended too much on their parents to make decisions....