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"Who have to pay for the care of the elders? Government or family ?"


matheusandrade 1 / 1  
Aug 3, 2017   #1
Please, would you give me a feedback about my essay?
This is my first essay here.
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Elderly people need help



There are countless elders around the world. However, normally these people go to a home-care to live with other old-aged individuals. Usually these houses have many nurses working in there. In addition to, the problem appers because opens a polemic discussion about the cost of the especial cares. Who have to pay for the care these people? Their families or the politic system?

I strongly think the state has to subsidy for the care because the society pay for billions of tax and what we always need to see is the paid money return to our lifes. In other words, the gained money should be used for education, transport, hospitals, security, etc. Especially in Brazil we don't see a productive refunds.

But eventually, if our society wouldn't contributed for so higher taxes, would be a brilliant idea the families pay for cares. Unfortunately this reality doesn't exist. The state doesn't do anything besides the necessary.

Obviously, if some family is more rich than others, I think the rules should be follow. In other words, despite exists some except cases, all people deserve gain this "cashback" from the government.

In summary, the government has to make a plan and save financial support to aim and reach this relevant topic. Besides, the old people work for the whole life. Finally the deserve to disfruit a delightful ending.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4770  
Aug 3, 2017   #2
Matheus, you failed to provide us with the complete prompt instructions for your essay so I cannot conduct a complete review of your essay. The instructions help me to figure out what course of discussion your essay was supposed to take. I have to caution you about simply repeating the question as indicated in the original prompt. You are not allowed to pose questions in your essays, only direct statements. Rephrase that question into a statement. Always use statements, never questions when presenting your discussion angle. As for the accuracy of your response, without the prompt, I am unable to say whether you did that properly or not. However, your essay is good. A bit difficult to understand at times due to the GRA issues but still, an overall simple and acceptable job. The one problem that your essay has is that you are not consistent in your paragraph presentations. Always aim for 3-5 sentences because that is the standard requirement for these essay tests. You still have a long way to go before you can get a passing score in the essay but you should get there with continued practice. Please don't forget to give me the prompt instructions that accompanies your next essay practice test. Thanks.
OP matheusandrade 1 / 1  
Aug 3, 2017   #3
@Holt
Hi Mary Rose!

Thank you so much for your tips.

The next essay I will follow your feedback.

Matheus Andrade


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